"I wouldn't tell my mom," Kazmierczak said, adding that part of the reason for her silence was fear that other children would look down on her for tattling.

As an administrator, Kazmierczak is taking steps to ensure that what happened to her doesn't happen to the students in her charge. To that end, she and a group of parents, teachers, students and administrators from Graystone attended a March 15 community conversation on bullying hosted by the San Jose Unified School District.

Groups from schools throughout the district came to the meeting to discuss bullying on their campuses and brainstorm ways to raise awareness of the problem. The topic grew out of last year's community conversation, which focused on creating a caring school climate.

"What emerged were issues that students were having around bullying and harassment," said facilitator Nancy Lock.

Graystone student Deanna Liou said it hurts her feelings when other children tease her about being skinny. "Sometimes I just ignore them, but other times I get mad," Liou said, adding that when that happens, she responds verbally instead of physically.

Liou said she didn't step in when she saw one of her friends teasing another. "My dad told me something about not taking sides," she explained, adding that she feared losing one friend if she sided with the other.

Parent Anu Sarkar said children have to learn how to resolve their own conflicts. "If parents keep jumping into every situation, it could get messy," she added.

Assistant Principal Juan Correa said that when he sees bullying at Graystone, he'll talk to the victim and ask if they want it to stop. "I'll try to put a positive spin on it so they don't feel guilty about ratting each other out," he added.

Graystone is one of several Almaden Valley schools that uses peer conflict managers to help resolve campus altercations. Kazmierczak said Graystone's conflict managers plan to pretend to bully each other during recess to see if other children intercede and, if they don't, let them know there's no such thing as an innocent bystander in that situation.

Schools came away with "to-do" lists from the community conversation, with ideas for their campuses to implement. Students from Los Alamitos Elementary School suggested holding an assembly, including information in the school's daily announcements or having a poster contest around the bullying issue.

Los Alamitos teacher Faith Burges said parents should feel free to share their concerns with school administrators, who could broach the topic at back-to-school nights.

"They don't know to bring up the issue unless you open the door," Burges added.

Leland High School Principal Susan Votaw said guest speakers are often effective in getting the message out to teens.

"The more people are aware of the subtleties of bullying, the more we can create an environment where it's really not acceptable," Votaw added. "The other side of this is that we learn to respect and value each other.

"You want schools to be safe and for kids to grow and flourish," the principal said. "When things go on that devalue kids, it's hard."