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A Fairy Tale for Fractured Times
Modern-day Goldilocks has misadventures in the office supply store
By Moryt Milo
This is the story of Goldilocks living in the year 2000. Unlike the fairy- tale version, this Goldilocks lives in Silicon Valley where there aren't a whole lot of trees-at least, not anymore. Unlike fairy-tale Goldilocks, who spends her days walking in the forest and venturing into houses that belong to bears, Goldilocks 2000 gets in her car and travels to various places that have nothing to do with bears.
In fact, on this particular day she is off to the office supply store. Although their transportation and destinations aren't the same, there is a similarity between classic Goldilocks and the one in our story.
In the original story, Goldilocks spots three bowls of steaming porridge and discovers she is very hungry. In the modern version, Goldilocks 2000 spots the phone/fax/modem aisle and knows immediately what she needs: a new phone with a built-in answering machine.
Here we deviate slightly from our tale. It is clear that Goldilocks 2000 has no choice in her needs. She would probably prefer to sit down and have a nice steaming bowl of something, but her 18-year-old phone and answering machine have died, and she can't completely rely on her computer to reach her friends, family and business associates.
In the fairy tale, Goldilocks' first problem is to figure out which bowl of porridge tastes best--a basic sensory skill. Papa's bowl is too hot, Mama's bowl is too cold, but baby bear's bowl turns out to be just right. In our version, Goldilocks 2000 has to figure out which phone to buy. This turns out to be a much harder task. Some phones seem too plain, lacking everything. Other phones seem too complicated, offering everything. Then she spots the phone that seems just right. Or, so she thinks.
For classic Goldilocks, her next decision is easy. All she has to do is sample three chairs. Papa's chair feels too hard. Mama's chair feels too soft, but baby bear's chair feels just right. Goldilocks 2000, however, has to return home to try out her new phone. And, until she opens the box, she doesn't know that her choice requires an additional battery pack and all kinds of complicated programming.
Only then does she discover that her "just right" phone isn't right at all. At this point both Goldilockses have a lot in common. Our fairy-tale girl breaks baby bear's chair and our modern-day gal feels that her "just right" phone is about as useless as a broken chair. But, instead of going upstairs to take a nap like classic Goldilocks, she gets back in her car, and returns the phone.
While fairy-tale Goldilocks is discovering that Papa's bed is too hard and Mama's bed is too soft, but baby bear's bed is just right, Goldilocks 2000 is back at the beginning of her story, trying to figure out which phone to buy. Her version of the story hasn't really progressed past the first couple of paragraphs. However, she does have experience over the fairy-tale girl. Now Goldilocks 2000 knows which phone not to buy.
She travels to store No. 2 and finds the right phone, except the store has none in stock. So, Goldilocks 2000 gets back in her car and heads to store No. 3. She walks right in and heads straight for the phone aisle. She sees the complicated phones and walks right by. She sees the lacking-in-everything phones and walks past. Then, she sees the phone that is just right. This time, she asks the store employee to open the box to make sure. And, this time, she checks everything before bringing it home.
While classic Goldilocks is snoozing away, Goldilocks 2000 has only reached the sitting-in-the-chair part of the story. But, at least, she is now reading the manual and her chair doesn't break. It's compensation for all the driving and looking she's had to do. Goldilocks 2000 also gets timeout to wonder how a simple errand can turn into such a complicated, three-hour ordeal. Plus, she gets to complain to her husband how all the basic essentials in life have turned into research projects.
Goldilocks 2000 has a few other advantages over classic Goldilocks. When the three bears arrive home and spot Goldilocks sleeping in baby bear's bed, classic Goldilocks wakes up scared out of her wits and runs straight home. Goldilocks 2000 is already home, expecting no uninvited guests, allowing her to easily figure out her phone and put it on the cradle to charge. Then, with everything said and done, Goldilocks 2000 finally makes it to the end of her story. And, if she is really lucky, she gets a short nap, too.
Contact Moryt Milo at morytb@aol.com.
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Campbell, California
