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Photograph by Chad Pilster
Getting in Touch: Gary Plep has been leading men's groups since 1983.
Working Man Blues
Campbell therapist Gary Plep helps frazzled Silicon Valley males renew their spirits
By Sarah Gaffney
It's a scene right out of a Hollywood movie. An old-fashioned barber shop with those old-fashioned swivel chairs. A true "Dad's-kind-of-place." The chairs are filled with men, who are there not to get their hair cut, but just to chat--to chat about feelings, about their issues, about what's eating at their core. Welcome to Gary Plep's therapy club for men.
The Campbell therapist, who's been leading men's groups since 1983, hit up his Los Gatos barber for space to rent when his downtown Campbell office became too cramped for his weekly support group for men.
"It's been over a year now that we've been using it," says the soft-spoken Plep. "We can make noise and we can be loud and obnoxious if we want to."
Growing up without a father is what led Plep to specialize in counseling men.
"That's why men's groups are a passion of mine. I see what a difference it makes when you can be a model. I think it's so important in today's society that men show up as fathers. That they show up not only as the worker or provider, but that they really make emotional contact, physical and emotional contact, with their sons."
So, what particular issues are Silicon Valley men dealing with that are leading them to Plep's office?
"Workaholism, of course, is pretty prevalent in this Valley ... and quite often it's a woman that brings it to their attention," says the therapist.
"Of course, we as men have been trained to believe in the white knight. You bring someone the paycheck and boy, we're great heroes. So, it's quite an affront to a man to hear that he's working too hard or that he's not home enough when he believes he's honestly busting his butt."
Twice a year, Plep leads vision quests for overworked, overstressed males. Based on an American Indian ritual, Plep's quests involve a year of preparation that leads to three days of fasting, meditating and journaling in the wilderness. Each participant finds a spot in the woods, where he draws a circle onto the earth and then sits "grounding" himself for three days. Nature, Plep says, is a tremendous teacher.
"The greatest gift to me is seeing the men when they come off the mountain after fasting for days," says Plep, who cites men's groups and vision quests as the two greatest passions in his life. "Something happens because they're more connected with their own spirits. When you're out there alone by yourself, you really have to get in touch with who you are. I've seen some really powerful things happen. Some of them were kind of magical and mystical."
Even though Plep's practice focuses primarily on the stressed Silicon Valley male, the therapist expresses concern about the effects the high-tech pace has on the once gentler gender.
"It's real unfortunate to see not only men being so conscious to achieve, but also women," says the father of two daughters. "It used to be that if someone ran you off the road it was a man ... now it's a woman running you off the road with the cell phone plugged into her ear."
Most likely, she's trying to reach Gary Plep to make an appointment for her overstressed, workaholic Silicon Valley spouse.
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Campbell, California
