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When your child needs help in school
By Moryt Milo
When my daughter called at 10 a.m. on a school day, my first thought was "Is everything okay?" But as soon as I heard her voice I knew to stop worrying.
She called for two reasons. The first was to ask if we could participate in the bake sale (the answer was yes). The second was to share her good news: "Mom, guess what? I got 100 percent on my math test!" she said excitedly.
A year ago I would have never gotten a call like that. It would have been more common to see her getting into the car, frustrated and on the brink of tears because she didn't understand the day's math lesson. Often she would say, "I just stink in math," convinced that her ability to grasp the subject was zero.
Some may think, "Oh, well, that's just a typical girl-thing, not being good in math." But I say that's a big copout and another one of those gender-typing assumptions. I noticed that my daughter had a problem way back in first grade, but I wasn't quite sure how to handle it. That doesn't mean I did nothing for four years, I just didn't approach it in a way that was right for her.
My daughter thrives when a teacher gives her one-on-one attention--whose child wouldn't?--but that can't be expected on a daily basis.
The truth is, in most cases, when a teacher goes over something new, some kids get it right away, some kids take longer and others get lost. The ones who get lost often don't want their friends to know. They don't want to seem dumb. And the teacher often doesn't know who's lost until test time. By then a child's self-confidence can be spiraling downward. And if it's ignored or not recognized, it can seep into others areas of their personality.
This concerned me, so when my daughter was in first grade, I started working with her in math. Every time new material was introduced, we'd look it over together. Then we'd practice it until she felt comfortable.
Although she did better, my efforts only seemed to work up to a point. Why? I'm not sure. It could have been any number of reasons. Perhaps I wasn't persistent in reviewing the material. Perhaps I didn't explain it the same way as in school. Whatever the reason, it became more and more apparent that her math confidence was heading into negative territory. And her test scores reflected it.
I could no longer sit back hoping the problem would go away. And I absolutely knew I couldn't handle it by myself. I had a smart kid. But she didn't believe in herself. It was time to enlist the help of the school. I wasn't happy about the system not working, but I didn't go as an upset parent. I went there looking for an ally.
And that's exactly what I got. Working with the school's assistant principal, we reviewed her test scores for the last four years. We analyzed her weak spots, and we discussed how to get her back on track. We also talked about the importance of reinforcing her self-confidence and strengthening it through the anxious middle school years.
We agreed that she would be tutored after school. And we discussed whom to consider. The right tutor was integral to making it work. I know from experience that the wrong tutor is worse than no tutor. Fortunately, we hooked up with a remarkable woman, who was full of energy and excitement about math. She made it fun. She explained it in a way that made sense to my daughter.
Suddenly, math was easy. Instead, it was cool--and my daughter was able to help other kids in her class.
That's what made that mid-morning phone call so special. And it illustrates a number of very important things. First and foremost we have to stay in touch with what our kids are learning. Otherwise we can't help them when they need it. Second, once we realize they need help, we have to be their advocate and do so in a positive way. Third, I bet my daughter, as with most kids, can do well in almost any discipline if they are given the needed attention. That brings me to the last point. If we instill within our children "the little engine that could" motto and give them the right fuel, they will definitely make it over the top of any hill.
Contact Moryt Milo at Morytb@aol.com.
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Campbell, California
