You might want to ask him how he obtained his Chinese elm ... or his bearded iris ... or his camellias ... or the yellow bougainvillea he gave to me because he did not want to get caught with it. When I mentioned I wanted a few large stones for my mother's garden, he suggested we find them in Poly Canyon. Brent can tell about the major drama which then ensued, but I was pleased with the large chunks of serpentinite I acquired and with the fact that Cal Poly police did not respond too quickly.

These stones have not required much maintenance since they were installed in 1987, yet their subdued greenish-gray luster with mellow hints of taupe and beige is as vibrantly rustic and visually stimulating as it was on its first day. (Like, duh—they're rocks!) I have learned from my experience with these stones that the suspension of even an old Dodge has its limitations and that I don't like stones in the garden.

Stone and garden sculpture are certainly not for everyone, regardless of what a landscape designer might say while explaining to a client what the client "really" wants. However, those who appreciate such features can use them creatively either for specific functions or simply for aesthetic appeal.

Stone may be used to compose small retaining walls to contain terraced soil that would otherwise be slightly sloped. Of course, such walls that are not cemented together with mortar must be sloped inward to lean against the soil contained within. Various annual or small perennial species may be planted between the stones to grow amongst them. I particularly like California poppies planted as seed that is simply sprinkled over the top and front of a wall.

Stones displayed in the garden for their own sculptural appeal may enhance the informality of a garden but are rarely appropriate for formal gardens. There are, of course, no rules for their use, but they certainly look more natural if partially buried to conceal their undersides. If properly installed with the undersides concealed, they do not seem to have been placed at the site, but appear to be outcroppings of a much larger feature below the surface. However, I have seen a very large stone artistically displayed on a paved surface outside a home of contemporary architecture.

Denny West of Denver creates my favorite garden sculpture, but I still don't like the much more popular reproductions of Brancusi. Everyone has their own discriminating taste. Brent even pointed out a garden in West Los Angeles that was mostly paved with red painted concrete and adorned with Snow White and 47 Dwarfs. (Ick!)

Fountains and water features require maintenance not necessitated by sculpture and stone but are as variable and distinctive. Water features can be used to partially obscure bothersome background noise, such as traffic on a nearby freeway, but I find them to be reminiscent of the mens' room at the Capitol Drive-In.

Flower of the Week: Guzmania

The various species of Guzmania can be grown as houseplants in very well-drained and rich media, but are more commonly enjoyed as "pot plants," purchased in bloom and discarded as color fades. If regularly irrigated and mildly fertilized, "pups" appear at the base of the abscising parent foliage, which dies after bloom. Bright ambient sunlight without direct exposure is preferred. Pups may be separated or left to mature as a group. Individual shoots only bloom once, but bracts remain for a long time.

Guzmania lingulata produces foot-long glossy green leaves and central spikes of red, orange or yellow bracts with small white flowers. Guzmania monostachia also exhibits foot-long leaves, but smaller and tighter bracts. Lower bracts are striped with brown and white. Small white flowers emerge only from the upper orange or red bracts. Foliage of Guzmania sanguinea is larger and turns red during bloom, but flowers are not remarkable.

Horticulturist Tony Tomeo can be contacted at 408-358-2574 or at LGHORTICULTURE@aol.com.