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The role of grandparents is changing with the times
By RITA BAUM
Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh--child of my child. The words from Genesis are apropos to the unique relationship between grandparent and grandchild. The chemistry between the two generally takes hold the first time the small warm body is held close, with head nuzzled on the chest or in the crook of the grandparent's neck. From that point on, the relationship soars.
In adulthood, memories of visits to Grandmother's house are recalled as magical experiences where scolding was rare, praise frequent and positive image building ongoing, a place where building forts with the couch pillows was not cause for "time out." Grandparents have traditionally been cast in the role of nurturer, supporter and helper to their children and grandchildren alike. Adult children leave their young in the care of grandparents with the confidence that the children will receive the same watchful care they themselves would give, and usually there are no tears of protest when the parents depart for an interlude of freedom.
This year, one third of American grandparents are baby boomers. Last Christmas, many of them ordered gifts online and rejected plastic toys in favor of their own homemade gifts and old-fashioned toys made of wood. Their elevated financial status enables many of their grandchildren to enjoy their primary years reared in homes owned by their parents, thanks to down-payment gifts from grandparents.
Societal and demographic shifts since the 1960s have resulted in changes in the traditional grandparent role. Thanks to increased longevity and lower birth rates, great-grandparents will soon be as common as grandparents--adding one more link of support and nurture--and today's children may spend half of their lives as grandparents.
Other societal changes are more unsettling. The divorce-prone generation of the 1970s resulted in the split-grandparent syndrome, but grandparent relationships have survived the hardships of the fractured family.
As broken families became more common, the trend gave rise to grandparent rights issues, which can come up when a custodial parent seeks to deny or limit visitation rights to grandparents after a divorce or death of one of the parents. The U.S. Supreme Court is preparing to hear a case this year on the emotionally charged subject of grandparents' rights to spend time with their grandchildren.
All states have laws regarding grandparent rights, but there is little continuity from one state to another. The Supreme Court decision could determine whether states are permitted to pass grandparent visitation statutes or whether such laws represent unjustified government intrusion into parental and family matters.
Another story has lately brought grandparents into the news headlines. The courts, the Attorney General, the Council of Churches, the Immigration and Naturalization Service and attorneys have been battling over the future of a 6-year-old Cuban refugee, Elian Gonzalez. There has been no agreement among the parties. Now his two grandmothers from Cuba have appeared on the scene, and the world is watching.
While grandparents tend to be on the giving end of caregiving, sometimes roles are reversed. A child holding up a paper towel to a nursing-home attendant, says, "My grandmother needs a real towel." As adults, many grandchildren provide a strong help in finding needed resources for disabled grandparents. A devout Jew might some day look to a grandchild to say Kadish for him, a meaningful ritual prayer commemorating the name of the dead. And adult grandchildren of all religious persuasions have been known to fly across the world to be at the bedside or graveside of a beloved grandparent.
Although one third of American grandparents are employed outside the home, grandparents provide assistance in the form of childcare an average of 13.8 hours per week for working parents. And a new trend sees a growing number of grandparents taking on the responsibility of primary caregiver. The U.S. Census Bureau reports a 20 percent increase in children being raised by their grandparents.
Nearly 4 million children in the United States live in households headed by a grandparent, and about 1 million of them have no parent present. The dual role of parent and grandparent is due to an increase in the incidence of young mothers who are in economic hardship, unemployed, mentally ill, divorced, incarcerated, drug abusers, or mothers who have abandoned, abused or neglected their children. In Africa, grandparents are increasingly the primary caregivers of AIDS-affected grandchildren.
Regardless of the cause, the situation creates financial burdens, stress, depression and fatigue. Many of these older caregivers have limited incomes, hardly enough for themselves. Seventeen percent of Aid to Families with Dependent Children goes to non-parent relatives, usually a grandparent. The Balanced Budget Act passed by Congress last year will provide $4 billion needed dollars to states for health care for children in poverty-level households.
In Santa Clara county, 22,000 children live with their grandparents. Catholic Charities of Santa Clara County comes to their aid with support and services through the Grandparent Caregiver Resource Center which provides case management, support groups, respite, "Warm Line" phone support, a resource library, seminars and recreation. Call 408.325.5164 for information.
The social services agency has had plenty of experience with grandparent programs. Eighty disabled, abused, neglected or at-risk children enjoy the friendship of an older Catholic Charities volunteer who serves as a surrogate grandparent. They work with individual children four hours a day, five days a week, helping with school lessons as they nurture, listen and give undivided attention--much as they would with their own grandchildren. Volunteers go to medical and rehabilitation institutions, Juvenile Hall, Children's Shelter, care facilities and schools for children with special needs.
Grandparents are often regarded as the anchor that keeps extended family members together, and the source of inspiration for values. Adult grandchildren speak of the impact a grandparent has had on their lives and their self-images, and of the lessons learned, many unspoken, about life and living. Whether bone of our bones and flesh of our flesh--or just surrogate grandparents--they play a unique and memorable role in the lives of children.
Rita Baum is a resident of Los Gatos. She has a master's degree in gerontology.
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Cupertino, California Since 1947
