This is the third in a series of columns to continue
the dialogue between cultures.

In 1976, renowned British playwright Tom Stoppard wrote a play titled New-Found-Land and used the occasion to describe his view of his peers across the pond:

"[Americans] wear their hearts on their sleeves ...They press you to visit them in their own home the moment they meet you and are irrepressibly good-humored, ambitious, and brimming with self-confidence in any company. Apart from all that I've got nothing against them."

Cupertino resident Bill Mannion uses Stoppard's words to describe the differences between cultural-Americans and immigrants from other cultures. Mannion, who grew up in New York as part of an Irish family, later married a Chinese woman who was raised in the Philippines.

Mannion and his wife raised a family, but the inherent differences between their two cultures gave them more difficulties to deal with than the typical married couple. Simple misunderstandings can derail relations between cultural-Americans and those from other cultures because of the norms of the society in which a person grows up.

For instance, many Chinese, especially women, think that maintaining eye contact with someone during a conversation is rude and could be seen as confrontational. But cultural-Americans might misconstrue someone avoiding eye contact as being shifty and distrustful.

Similarly, in the Japanese culture, it's customary and respectful to carefully examine a person's business card before tucking it away in a coat pocket or purse, while cultural-Americans might see that as questioning their credentials.

"Americans tend to be straightforward, and Asians are not," Mannion says. "It's cultural. It's the way they're brought up."

Mannion met his wife in Manila, when he chaperoned a college friend on a date with a Philippine woman. She brought along a Chinese friend to serve as her escort. Mannion married the friend.

"I was the first non-Chinese to marry into the family," he says. "I was encouraged to go out in the world and be my own person, and her experience was very different."

In 1995, communications scholar H.C. Triandis identified two different types of culture: individualistic and collectivistic. Individualistic cultures, including Western societies like the United States, emphasize that each person's first priority is to themselves, while collectivistic cultures, which generally include Asian and Latin American cultures, feel more loyalty to their family and community.

Studies have shown that when members of different cultures are given a statement such as "I am" and asked to fill in the next part of the statement, North Americans are more likely to supply an individual characteristic, such as "I am tall" or "I am athletic." Members from collectivistic cultures, such as Chinese or Japanese, are more likely to say "I am a daughter" or "I am an employee of" a certain corporation.

The differences in viewpoints have stymied Mannion, who says that when he completes tasks at the request of his wife, she exasperates him by pointing out what he's done wrong. His cultural-American side might have expected a compliment for completing the chore in the first place. But he says he also observed similar behavior within his wife's family, where one's duty to the family as a unit supersedes any member's personal recognition.

Cultural-Americans might find it rude or nosy if someone asked personal questions, but for other cultures, personal questions are commonplace.

Susan Kitson was offended when a Chinese-American mother questioned why Kitson sends her children to Christa McAuliffe Elementary School, where experience in art, music and physical education are highly valued parts of the curriculum and many parents decide not to let their children take state tests.

"The Chinese-American mother was shocked. She asked us, 'Aren't you afraid that your son will fall behind at school?'" says Kitson's husband, Rick Kitson, Cupertino's public information officer.

At first, Susan Kitson considered the question rude because her family's choice was something she considered private. But she later realized that the Chinese-American mother doesn't share her educational values and that she asked the question purely out of concern.

The Chinese woman felt free to ask a personal question when it related to education, but she would probably be reluctant to be as direct in other areas, for example in saying no. "I've found that Chinese and Japanese are reluctant to say no," Mannion says.

But James Byeun, who came to the United States four years ago from Korea, says that with his background, he finds that Americans don't show their emotions. "In Korea, people express how they feel more easily. In the United States, people are very straightforward and logical," Byeun says. "It may seem cool and selfish, but I realized it is their lifestyle."

These observations fall right in line with classifications identified by anthropologist Edward Hall in 1959: low-context and high-context cultures.

According to Hall, Western cultures are low-context because they value honest speakers and tend to distrust those who do not explicitly communicate what they mean. High-context cultures, such as those found in many Asian countries, place more emphasis on other cues, such as body language. Members of a high-context culture refrain from saying "no" outright to avoid upsetting anyone, unaware that the restraint is actually considered more offensive to someone from a low-context culture than a negative answer.

And those from a low-context culture can find such directness disarming. When Byeun first arrived in this country, he was surprised that strangers greeted him and smiled at him. "In Korea, people don't say hello to strangers and don't smile that often. But when they smile, they are sincere. They smile from their heart," Byeun says.

Americans' overt friendliness bothers Byeun's wife, Young, a little. "I don't know what's behind that smile," she says.

There may be nothing but good intentions behind such a smile, but without fleshing out the reasons behind behaviors like this, perceptions won't change. "Once you make an assumption about someone, you normally try to reinforce your opinions instead of understanding that person," says Gary McCue, a member of the Cupertino Union School board, who met and married his wife in Hong Kong.

Frances Bartlett Schwab, a communication consultant at BridgeWork Consulting, agrees. Her company holds workshops about communication and diversity for nonprofits and small businesses.

"Instead of telling people what people of certain ethnicities tend to do, we create a safe environment for people to share their feelings and bring out their perspectives," Schwab says. "When you talk about stereotypes, you are using a limited language."