But having been an adopted child herself, Morgan knew she would have to do something extra to make adoption seem more "normal" for her new baby boy. "I definitely grew up knowing that I was special to my parents. But I did not know anybody else who was adopted, and that used to feel very strange," she says. So she was determined to make a difference in her child's life."

Four months after she came back home from the hospital with little Benjamin, Morgan started an informal group for adoptive moms and their children. Though it started with just three mothers getting together with their little ones and forming a casual support group, the club now has close to 30 members from various Bay Area cities, and even as far as Milpitas and Santa Cruz.

Every Wednesday afternoon, the group meets at city parks, sometimes at Memorial Park in Cupertino, where the children play together and the moms hang out discussing everything from basic parenting issues to matters relating specifically to adoption. "The kids see each other every week, and they know that all the kids in the group are adopted. It just makes adoption seem more mundane for them," says Morgan.

Sunnyvale resident Valerie Kenaley joined the group three years ago when her son was just a toddler. "This is a wonderful support system. We celebrate the joy of a birth together and also the joy of the day when an adoption is finalized in court. We celebrate two birthdays for our kids in this group," she says, her face breaking into a smile. But personally, Kenaley adds, hearing the stories of other adoptive moms has been particularly helpful.

Peter and Pamela Sorich joined the group in November of 2000--before their adoption even came through. The couple had been actively looking to adopt for more than a year when they heard about this unique group. "Being a part of the group really helped us get through the situation. It is extremely tough when you are at somebody else's mercy to have your baby," says Pamela Sorich, recalling the painful days when their adoption procedure seemed to drag on forever. The couple had been matched with potential birth mothers several times only to have the agreements fall through the cracks at a later stage. "It just knocks the wind out of your sails," says Peter Sorich.

But being part of this extended adoption community gave the Soriches an advantage they never had before. "I found that the women here are a sit-down resource house. Whenever I had questions regarding an adoption facilitator or agency or just legal issues involved in adoption, all I needed to do was ask these mothers who had already been through it all. Unlike guys who will just give you the plain facts, I found these women give you the whole nine yards--from the factual details to the emotional angle. Even if somebody forgets to mention a point, somebody else would bring it up. It was so helpful," says Peter Sorich. Sorich is usually the only father who attends the afternoon park meetings because of the time flexibility his business offers. Four months after the couple joined the group, they were finally able to adopt their baby girl.

Apart from being a gold mine of information, the group has also turned out to be a great networking opportunity for adoption. They provide each other with leads for second adoptions and a check to foolproof the process. "When somebody's adoption comes through, the group makes sure that the parents have the relinquishment papers from the birth parents and, in case the birth mother is single, we check with each other if the father has also signed the papers," says Morgan.

The Soriches say in their case, the birth mother took three months to sign the relinquishment papers. "We were on tenterhooks during that period. Though we had our baby with us all those three months, until the birth mother signs the papers and hands them over, you never know what can happen. She might even change her mind and decide not to give up her child for adoption. During this time it was hard to say our baby is ours, until we had the papers in our hand," says Pamela.

But not all adoption stories have a happy ending. When Valerie Kenaley and her husband decided to go for their second adoption, the "relinquishment" process turned out to be the nightmare every adoptive parent dreads. After they had adopted their first son, the Kenaleys had adopted a baby girl from out of state. "We already had a boy, and now we had adopted a girl, and it seemed like the perfect family. But she had been with us for a couple of months when the birth mom changed her mind and decided to keep her baby after all. It was such a tough time for us. We had held the baby, bonded with her and then she was taken away from us. I have had a miscarriage myself, and I would say that having to give up that child was many times harder," says Kenaley. Later, the Kenaleys adopted another boy.

Some of the adoptions in the group are cross-racial. One of Melinda Morgan's two children is part Hispanic part Caucasian, while the other is part Caucasian, part African American and part Samoan. "I was at the grocery store the other day, and when the clerk at the checkout counter found out that they were my kids and that they are adopted, she looked at me as though she was sad for me. But I tell people that these children couldn't be more mine if I had had them myself," she says.

Kenaley says being a part of the adoption community helps parents deal with some of the questions children come up with. "Most of our children are now toddlers or have just entered school. Right now they are very young and don't have too many questions yet. But when they do come up, we can point to other children in the group and say they are also adopted or we mothers can depend on each other to guide ourselves through issues and situations that might come up," says Kenaley.

Apart from celebrating birthdays and happy events together, the group has also come together as an extended family. "We go out for camping with the rest of our families or take the children out to the zoo or just have a mothers' night out--where we leave our kids at home and meet at a restaurant or some common place and just have fun," says Morgan. Morgan also remembers how the group came together to support her family when her father passed away a few years ago.

Morgan's mother, Marge Murphy, says she's extremely proud and impressed with this group her daughter has founded. "It's an invaluable group for adoptive parents. When we adopted Melinda in the late '60s, it was a closed adoption and we had no choice about it. Though I would consult with other parents regarding general parenting questions, I realize it would have been so much more helpful if we had such a group way back then," she says.

For more information regarding this group, email Melinda Morgan at snoopymom@sbcglobal.net or Valerie Kenaley at vlkenaley@comcast.net.