A fireman, a ranger, a nurse ... and an editor?
By Dick Sparrer
There I was, ready to do my bit as a guest reader at Lexington School's annual Community Read-in, and I had nothing!
Oh, sure, I had a few books tucked under my arm--a couple of them, I was told by a reliable source, would be sure winners with the elementary school set. But it didn't take me long to realize that there's more to a Read-in than reading.
Fireman Lance was there in his bright yellow fire suit; there was Ranger Jeff in full uniform with cool stuff hooked to his belt; there was Navy Nurse Helen in her dress blues; and there was Editor Me ... in a shirt and tie, with a pencil behind my ear.
It didn't take a genius to figure out who the most popular guests would be that morning. Heck, even I wouldn't have wanted me!
I could hear the recess conversations already:
"Who came to your room today?"
"Oh, we had a fireman, and he had on his uniform, and he told us how they fight fires, and he showed us some of the equipment they use. It was so cool. Who did you have?"
"Uh, we had an editor."
"Oh. What's an editor do?"
"I dunno."
What can I say? I guess I just don't have one of those sexy jobs.
I suppose I could have told them about the dangerous deadlines we have to hit every week.
"Ooh, sounds scary," they would say. "What happens if you don't hit the deadline?"
"Well, nothing really," I'd explain. "But my boss gets really, really mad."
That wouldn't work. Maybe I could have told them about the hazards we endure tracking down a story.
"And the council meeting lasted until 11 o'clock at night ... and I didn't even get to go home for dinner!"
Hmm, not quite as exciting as rescuing someone from a burning building.
Well maybe I could just say that I'm a lot like Clark Kent of the Daily Planet-and he was Superman, after all.
But I decided to just tell them the truth ... and it took me all of a minute and a half to explain what I do for a living to a group of delightful K-1 students who don't even read yet, let alone read newspapers.
But one adorable little girl was interested enough to ask a question.
"Why are newspapers always in black and white?" she asked.
And I faced the question about my profession with the grace and composure you would expect from someone who faces the pressures of deadlines every week.
"Uh, um ... I guess ... I suppose." I stuttered and stammered until Miss Lauren bailed me out.
"Because," she explained in her best teacher voice, "color ink is so expensive."
Now why didn't I think of that?
So with that, I started to read.
I read Stripes while Fireman Lance let the kids try on his firefighting helmet.
I read Wolf while Navy Nurse Helen decked out the kids in doctor masks and hats and turned the second-grade classroom into a pretend operating room.
And I read "Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout Would Not Take the Garbage Out" from Shel Silverstein's Where the Sidewalk Ends while Veterinarian John let all the kids hold a golden retriever puppy.
I knew I was losing 'em. I had to think fast, so I pulled out the A stuff. It was called "Warning" and it goes something like this:
"Inside everybody's nose
There lives a sharp-toothed snail.
So if you stick your finger in,
He may bite off your nail ... "
If I couldn't get a bunch of 5- and 6-year-olds to laugh about a guy with his finger in his nose ... well, then there was simply no hope.
Just then, everyone's attention turned to the parking lot, where Ranger Jeff had taken his class out to see his ranger truck ... it had a siren.
Next time I'm dressing up like Superman.
Reach the editor, disguised as mild-mannered Dick Sparrer, at dsparrer@svcn.com or 408.354.3110.
Los Gatos, California Since 1881
