Teens want to know--is anyone listening?

By Dale Bryant

As I sat at A Place for Teens on the evening of May 10, I couldn't help thinking of the old adage, the more things change the more they stay the same. Well, sort of.

Young people were talking about the way teens size each other up and relegate others to categories--outsiders, insiders, who's cool, who's not. They talked about feelings of isolation and alienation. About how mean young people can be to each other. About how difficult it is, as one young woman said, "in this perfect little community to admit you have problems."

I remember sitting around with a group of classmates from Los Gatos High School having the same discussion. The difference is that these young people had come to a community forum sponsored by A Place for Teens to talk about the impact of Littleton, Colo., on their lives, while the occasion of my discussion with classmates was a planning committee for our 20th reunion. A disparate group of us had been summoned to plan the event; some were high school luminaries, others were not.

The meeting lasted late into the night because, as it turned out, we had so much to get off our chests. Now that we were all equals at last, we could talk candidly, and to hear the conversation, one would have thought not one of us ever enjoyed a minute of our youth. We kept saying things like: How could you have been miserable? You were so popular!

It was a good reminder that loneliness and pain are, to a large extent, a part of the adolescent condition.

Much has changed since I attended LGHS. Today's young people are wired to the Internet, which allows them to talk to people all over the world, and to plug into libraries and visit museums--and have a front-row seat to some of the most vicious hate-mongering imaginable. Today, movies are more violent; weapons are readily available, and video games allow those who so desire to hone up on their shooting skills while blowing away their victims.

Still, a little perspective is a good thing. Several years ago, I interviewed a former LGHS classmate for a story about transsexuals. I remembered this person as a pleasant young man who sat behind me in my sophomore English class. I can still picture him with his friends at lunch, laughing and talking as if he hadn't a care in the world.

Now, an attractive woman, my former classmate told me how as a high-school boy, he used to dress in women's clothes at home, and how there was no one to talk to about his fears. My former classmate told me about the time when he was a LGHS student that he sat on his bed at home with the barrel of a loaded gun inside his mouth.

I bring up the subject of perspective not because I want to diminish in any way the fear and confusion the violence at Columbine High School imposed on suburban high school students, but rather to suggest that fear and confusion already existed--to a large extent, they always have.

What's different, as one young woman said the other night, is that since Columbine, alienated young people "now know how much power they have." And that students in nice suburban high schools like LGHS are suddenly faced with the reality that "it can happen anywhere."

In a candid discussion ably facilitated by Alan Javurek, Ph.D., LMFCC, director for school-based programs, at the Teen and Family Counseling Center of the West Valley, teens and adults (speaking separately at their designated times) drew up a long list of fears and concerns, and, naturally enough, they did some finger-pointing.

It was a brain-storming session, and a followup--hopefully with a bigger cross-section of the school community--is planned for Tuesday, May 25, at 7 p.m. at Calvary Church.

The goal of the next meeting is to find solutions. It will be most productive, I believe, if people are able to narrow the focus to the specific problems that require solutions--solutions that are doable in the local community. The other night, for instance, fingers were pointed at the United States government for dropping bombs instead of trying to solve problems peacefully; the media came under attack for its portrayal of violence as entertainment; even the Town Council was suspect. "Where are the Town Council members tonight?" someone wanted to know. (The answer: at a Town Council study session.)

It's true, as many people that night mentioned, that it takes a village to raise a child. The welfare of teens in Los Gatos is a community responsibility, but it was also hard to overlook the irony of young people sitting in the beautiful teen center--a center built by the entire community--complaining that "teens get ignored in this town," and "there's nothing for young people to do in this town."

In fact, safety on the school campus and sensitivity to the emotional well-being of students is much more within the purview of parents, students, teachers, administrators and trustees as well as the police department.

For what it's worth, here are the issues that emerged at the meeting that seem to me the most troubling--and the ones for which local solutions can actually be found:

* Some students said that on the day after the violence at Columbine High School, they begged their teachers to let them discuss it in their classes, and many teachers refused, deferring instead to the day's planned lessons. One young man said the subject was not discussed in any of his classes. When kids need to talk, they need to talk. Teachers must be sensitive to the emotional needs of the young people in their classrooms. Columbine was very scary for adolescents in suburban high schools.

* Many students noted that no one reported an incident in which a student brought a gun to the LGHS campus until months after it happened--until after the violence at Columbine woke them up. In the post-Columbine era, the value system that says it's wrong to report dangerous behavior must change.

* What price is the community willing to pay for safety on the school campus? Police Chief Larry Todd and LGHS Principal Trudy McCulloch literally begged for dialogue on this question. Should there be a police presence, metal detectors? Does the school have a plan for an emergency--such as the unthinkable one that happened at Columbine? How can parents get answers to urgent questions about school safety? Some parents said that rumors of violence--some spread on the Internet--in the wake of Columbine are much more frightening than the truth could possibly be.

* Many young people said it's difficult in Los Gatos--with its high income levels and focus on achievement--to admit they have problems. They also expressed frustration about their own overscheduled lives, parents who work 12 hours a day and no time for "parents and kids to be together." One young woman said, "Our parents are workaholics, and we're so busy, we're growing up to be little workaholics, too."

In many ways, things are no different today than they have always been. In some ways, though, they are frighteningly different.

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The community is invited to participate in the continuing dialogue on teens, violence and prevention Tuesday, May 25, at 7 p.m., at Calvary Church, 16330 Los Gatos Blvd. Sponsor is A Place for Teens. Alan Javurek returns as facilitator.

Dale Bryant is the editor of the Los Gatos Weekly-Times.

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