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Threading through a thicket of Daves
By Mary Ann Cook
You know that movie Dave, where the Kevin Klein character impersonates the president? Well, I understand all about impersonating Daves. In my family we have three Daves who, all unwittingly, substitute for each other. There's son-in-law Dave, brother-in-law Dave, and nephew-in-law Dave. This profusion leads to confusion.
Since all these Daves have different last names, the use of same would effectively eliminate the problem. But this family doesn't bother with last names. Somehow we've just never gotten into the habit, never become that focused. First of all, it sounds so formal. And second of all--well, there is no second of all. As a result, here I am surrounded by a plethora of Daves-in-law. Or, as a friend of mine terms any nonblood relation, out-laws.
So here are some of the tangled webs we've woven with our inability to give out the complete name. When the brother-in-law lost his father, it was the son-in-law who got the sympathy card. But the son-in-law actually didn't find this action untoward.
A close family friend had recently died, so he found the card's message very appropriate, very caring, very much in keeping. He didn't find it odd, that is, until he ran into the word "father" on the card. Since son-in-law Dave is a relative newcomer to the family, he continues to find much about the rest of us odd and never even mentioned receiving the card. Until months later.
The sender, however, was appalled. She didn't know about the close family friend's demise and thought he would think she was making fun of him by sending him a sympathy card when there was no need. The fact that the sympathy card did follow close upon his wedding, marking his entrance into the family, might have been misconstrued, even by a fun-loving recipient. "Nnanny, nnanny, nnanny" is not what one wants to hear shortly after the strains of Lohengrin.
A couple of months later, this same son-in-law Dave was told he could forget about helping with the move. He sounded puzzled when given this news, but he's something of a latter-day flower child, plus he's dyslexic, so sounding puzzled is part of his persona.
Actually, it was only later that we learned that it had been nephew-in-law-Dave who had been lined up to help with the move. The person who had made the moving arrangements was different from the one doing the canceling. Presumably, the moving helper is still stationed by the phone, awaiting the call to help unload the U-Haul.
So you can see that when we hear anything new about a family Dave we have to consider carefully before responding. For instance, one day news came that an in-law Dave had a new job. Well, let's see, one Dave is a dentist, one is a robotics/laser surgery engineer and one is a heating and cooling technician.
A new job ... hmm. Well, it probably isn't the dentist, but, after a lifetime of mucking about molars, that Dave is about to retire and thinking of taking up a new line entirely--at least hobby-wise.
The robotics engineer is one of those fear-of-flying folks, so he probably isn't tackling a new job, at least not one very far from where he's planted. That Dave also packs a lot of accouterments, such as a wife, three kids, two dogs, two cats and a nanny. He can't be cast into a new career direction very easily, either.
That leaves the technician, who by this time sounds like the best bet to be the one with the new job. But he's in a union, and we know unions don't come forth very often or very readily with new jobs. So the joyous and simple news of a job change has turned into a puzzlement.
It's called forth a complicated assessment of each Dave's position and lifestyle. It elicits much conjecture, this fitting of each Dave into a different frame of occupational reference, trying it on for size. Much more challenging than simply requesting a last name.
Wonder which Dave it is who has a new job? Here's the way I intend to find out. My plan is to keep a close eye on whoever is president, present or future, waiting to see if any new mannerisms crop up.
Others may think any changes in presidential personal tics are the result of all the responsibilities of the job, reflecting the myriad repercussions from domestic and world affairs. But I'll know better. I'll know it's really one of the Daves-in-law, honing his impersonation.
Mary Ann Cook is a Los Gatos Weekly-Times columnist.
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Los Gatos, California Since 1881
