"Uh, um ... what's it start with?" I stammered, hoping she didn't say "D."

"It starts with 'h' and ends in 'e,' " she said.

I breathed a deep sigh of relief. "Oh that's easy," I said. "It's 'hate.' "

Now there's an ugly word ... probably the ugliest four-letter word of them all.

It's a word that spills all too easily off our tongues when it should be used only sparingly and limited to discussions of Adolph Hitler, lima beans and maybe the Los Angeles Dodgers.

Loathe and despise aren't much better, but sometimes dislike and irritate just aren't enough to describe how we really feel.

Like when you're waiting for a car to pull out of a parking space, and some guy comes out of nowhere to screech in ahead of you. Hollering, "Hey, buddy, I really dislike what you just did," doesn't quite do it.

Or when you're sitting dead still in rush hour traffic on the freeway, and some moron goes flying by in the diamond lane ... all alone, with no CHP in sight!

I hate it when that happens ... oops, there's that horrible "h" word again. Of course I don't really hate the guy, but his actions sure make me angry.

You know what I mean. But how do we describe that feeling of hostility and futility we all share in certain situations without saying hate? Maybe my Roget's Thesaurus can help.

Hate leads us to loathe and detest; detest takes us to abominate and abhor; abhor takes us to execrate (woah, that's a bit heavy) and ... hey, there it is--"can't stand" or "get a pain in the neck from" (yep, it's really there).

Now we're getting somewhere.

I can't stand people who steal parking places. People who drive alone in the diamond lane during commute hours are a real pain in the neck. And that's just the beginning. I can't stand:

* Fans at SBC Park who "high five" after a Giants home run, like they had something to do with it;

* When I'd help the kids with their homework ... and they'd come home with a B-minus;

* Cold bagels;

* That the bad hair days outnumber the good hair days about five to two, and that the only real good hair day is spent in a baseball cap;

* That the neighbor's dog always picks our lawn;

* Pacific Standard Time;

* That my last car cost as much as my first house;

* 75 in the fast lane, 50 in the middle lane;

* Millionaire athletes who complain about being underpaid;

* Professional athletes who strike;

* Fat grams;

* Reality shows;

* Republicans;

* Garbage night ... because I never remember until I'm tucked in bed and my wife nudges me out of a pleasant doze with those horrible words, "You forgot to take out the garbage";

* Ralph Barbieri;

* Car alarms;

* Democrats;

* The day after Christmas;

* Alarm clocks (I'm not what you'd call a morning person).

So when hate, loathe and detest are simply too strong, we do have our options. Of course, there are those people who don't exercise those options and say whatever ugly words they want, no matter how hurtful or disturbing they may be to others.

I can't stand it when people do that, can you? It's a regular pain in the neck.

Want to talk? Give me a call at 408.354.3110, or write to dsparrer@svcn.com.