Where is it written that we should wear wedding rings, that baby boys should wear blue and girls only pink? Where do we get our traditions and how much impact do traditions from one generation really have on the next?
These and a myriad of other questions are answered in Rosalie Sogolow's second book, Empty the Ocean With a Spoon: Growing Up With the Customs, Traditions, and Superstitions of a Jewish Home. A long-time Saratoga resident and a teacher/principal with the Senior English as a Second Language program at Jewish Family Service in Los Gatos, Sogolow says the book covers traditions involving holidays, love and marriage, children, food, home remedies, folk tales and bubbe meises (grandmother's stories).
Stressing the importance of generational continuity, the author recalls traditions she learned in her childhood, which served as a basis for the title of her book.
"Growing up in my grandparents' Jewish neighborhood in Chicago during the '40s and '50s gave me a particularly distinctive perspective on life," Sogolow says. "If I became too impatient about something, I was told, 'You can't empty the ocean with a spoon.' This is an old Yiddish proverb and typical of the kind of Jewish wisdom I heard in my grandparents' home every day."
In addition to her own recollections, Sogolow includes the personal accounts of 65 people from the United States and around the world, who talk about their own family traditions and Jewish influences in their lives.
"While many of the individuals who shared their stories with me have different backgrounds, come from different places on the map, and remember different experiences, there is a commonalty among some of the traditions and values that strikes a familiar chord. For example, my husband and I attended a Sunday morning brunch with several of our friends, all of whom were originally from either Chicago, New York, Philadelphia or New Jersey. When the hostess served homemade knishes [mashed potatoes and sautéed onions in a baked dough], everyone had a similar mouthwatering memory of having eaten knishes as a child growing up in their respective neighborhoods."
Food plays a central role in many Jewish traditions and is a focal point within all the life cycles. In fact, Sogolow's first book, Memories From a Russian Kitchen, contained family recipes along with personal stories written by many of the students enrolled in her ESL program.
Rosalie Sogolow recites the blessing over the Sabbath candles.
Photograph by George Sakkestad.
After publishing her first book, Sogolow continued to encourage her students to keep writing their stories. The process, she explains, was part of their language development as well as a means for them to share their pasts with their children and grandchildren. In the process the students became curious about her background.
"This forced me to look back to my own history and to remember things in my childhood I had almost forgotten, such as the little tailor shop my grandparents owned and where I spent so much of my childhood. I hadn't thought about it in years, yet it all came back to me so vividly."
As her students asked her more questions and she began to tell them her stories, Sogolow decided to write everything down. She also shared what she was doing with friends and family who in turn told her their own tales.
"It became a chain reaction," she explains. "When one person recalled his or her experience, another would remember a slightly different variation on the same theme. I found people were very eager to revisit their childhood memories."
Empty the Ocean With a Spoon, which is available through Jewish Family Service, bookstores and temple gift shops, offers black and white graphic illustrations and family photos along with a glossary for the many Yiddish and Hebrew words sprinkled liberally throughout the book. A legacy for the author's children and grandchildren, the book is also a source of understanding for many of the customs, traditions and superstitions familiar in a Jewish home. Superstitions (or bubbe meises) include, for example: if you sew a button on an article of clothing being worn at that moment, chew on some thread (so as not to sew your brains in); don't put shoes on the bed (it's bad luck); if you sneeze while telling a story, that means you are speaking the truth.
"Some of our traditions and customs come from religious beliefs, some come from old country behavior," Sogolow says. "Some come from the way our family or friends did things, or even from movies and literature. Some come from age-old superstitions that have no rhyme or reason except that they just are."
That brings up the subject of why baby boys wear blue and girls only pink. According to Sogolow's research, the idea originated with the ancient fear of evil spirits hovering over the nursery.
"It was thought that the evil spirits were allergic to certain colors, the strongest of which was blue. It was believed that the association of blue with the heavenly sky rendered these evil forces helpless and hence drove them away. Girls, considered less vulnerable to evil spirits, were not originally associated with any specific color. Years later, when society expressed concern about slighting the female sex, the color pink was selected as the color of choice."
Photograph by George Sakkestad.
Among the Jewish people, the wedding ring was first worn in the eighth
century A.D. Sogolow holds a prayer book for various services.
As to wedding rings, Sogolow says it is a custom that dates back thousands of years. "It originated in the East, was copied by the Greeks, then the Romans and eventually became the custom all over the world. Among the Jewish people, the ring was first worn in the 8th century A.D. It replaced the custom of giving the bride a small coin as a 'promise' of a prospective husband's ability to support his wife."
Wedding rings, along with chupahs (the Jewish marriage canopy), ketubbahs (marriage contracts) and other customs are described in the chapter on weddings; folk remedies in the chapter titled "Mashinka and the Hiccups," and the Jewish perspective on aging and death is covered in the chapter "Like Grains of Sand in a Bottle."
Writing the book, Sogolow says, fulfilled a need to pass on something of herself.
"In attempting to recall our families' past and the values which were passed on to us, it is our hope that our children and their children will find a beacon to illuminate their own way to a better understanding of who they are. Hopefully they will be able to live more meaningful lives and eventually take their place in a spiritual community whose faith has echoed through time.
"It has been said that the first generation of immigrants who came to America tried to preserve, the second generation tried to forget, and the third wants to remember. I belong to the third group," explains Sogolow. "I see my generation as a bridge. If we don't remember and pass on what came before us, how can we expect our children and grandchildren to hold on to that connection?"
In the musical group Side By Side, Sogolow finds another expression of her love
for her heritage. Members of the group are (from left) Sarah Joelson,
Ruth Barron, Rosalie Sogolow, all of Saratoga, Rhonda Raider of Los
Gatos and Dahlia Blech of Sunnyvale.
In addition to writing about traditions and the impact of the past, Sogolow also uses music to express her feelings and love for her heritage. As a member of the musical group Side By Side, with Sarah Joelson, Ruth Barron, Dahlia Blech and Rhonda Raider, Sogolow sings, plays several musical instruments and helps write many of the songs that are described as "music with a Jewish soul." The group recently released their first CD and audio tape, Arise & Shine, which features 20 of their original songs.
Sogolow will have the opportunity to share stories from her book at a Brandeis University book and author luncheon, March 4, at Villa Montalvo. Other authors featured with Sogolow will be Joan Perry: A Girl Needs Cash, Banish the White Knight Myth and Take Charge of Your Financial Life; Earl Raab, co-author of Jews and the New American Scene, and Paulette Gaston Crain: DeLore's Confession.
The event is chaired by Saratoga resident Denise Levy assisted by several other Saratoga residents serving on the committee, including Lynda Fox, Cathy Gill, Jane Gold, Sylvia Meltzer, Barrie Rosenberg, Alexis Rubin, Maureen Schneider, Debbie Schwartz, Marsha Shain, Cindy Silverglat, Vivian Snyder and Wendie Weisman. For reservations call 741-4931.
Side By Side will perform at a book premiere party for Empty the Ocean With a Spoon, 1 to 4 p.m. March 13, at the Jewish Community Center in Los Gatos. The event is free and open to the public. For additional information, call 356-7576.
Saratoga, California Since 1975
