Commentary

Science projects can be extraordinary, if not too tasty

By Dick Sparrer

I can't believe it ... I ate my son's science project. I didn't mean to, but how was I to know that the delicious-looking apple sitting on the kitchen counter was part of some weird science assignment?

I knew it, though, as soon as I started to chew.

"Dad!" The blood-curdling scream sent shivers up my spine.

"What's wrong?" I shrieked, almost choking on the apple. "Are you OK? Is your brother OK? Is the dog eating your homework again?"

"No," he moaned. "You're eating my homework! That apple is part of my science project."

Science project? It's an apple! How was I supposed to know? I had just gotten home, and that apple on the counter looked so tasty, even if it was a funny color.

"What do you mean?" I asked, more than a little concerned about what he might have done to it to make it part of such a project. "What exactly did you put on it!?!"

This isn't really something anybody needs to worry about right now. It wasn't like I ate the apple this morning. In fact, it's sort of a repast in the past, since my youngest son is a couple of months shy of his 20th birthday and this was a science project he created back when he was just a 13-year-old seventh-grader.

But I was reminded of the experience the other day when I was talking to a science teacher about the projects the kids have been working on in recent weeks in the local schools--some rather extraordinary projects indeed, many of them good enough to qualify for the State Science Fair.

They ranged from the award-winning entry by Los Gatos junior Daniel Zimardi--"The Effect of Calcium Deprivation on the Bioluminescence of Marine Dinoflagellates"--to team project by Saratoga's Elizabeth Howe and Ashley Louderbeck--"The Effect of Environmental Stress on Gene Expression in Yeast Cells." Huh? I just write about them ... don't ask for an explanation.

Maybe the middle school projects might be easier for me to understand ... like "Electromagnetic Brakes" by Anthony Chong at Redwood.

Hmmm. I wonder what the third-graders are working on?

Science was never my strong suit, and it seems as though my two sons took after dear ol' Dad in that department. The oldest is now 25, and the youngster is almost 20. But I remember well their middle school science efforts. It wasn't exactly rocket science ... hey, it was barely science at all!

Like when the youngest was in the seventh grade and performed his experiment on the apple ... that I ate.

"Geez, now what am I gonna do?" he said, not the least bit concerned about my well-being.

Fine. There was no, "Dad, I hope you're OK--there was a chemical compound on that apple that's caused bloating in laboratory animals."

Or there was no, "Dad, you might want to call Kaiser--uh, right away! I'm sure they have the antidote."

No, all he was concerned about was his project and the prospect of having to redo a portion of it. He could have cared less that I might have to get my stomach pumped.

"Hey, Isaac Newton!" I screeched, now somewhat frantic, "what the heck was on that apple?"

"Oh, don't worry," he said, still somewhat disgusted with me for messing up his project. "It was just food coloring."

Whew, that was a relief. At least I knew why my lips were turning green.

But the entire experience could have been avoided had he just done his project on, say, beets. No way would I have popped a beet slice in my mouth. Anyway, using food for his project wasn't the best idea. The oldest found that out back when he was an eighth-grader.

You see, we were no strangers to science projects when the youngest reached his teens. We went through it all when the older son was a middle schooler a few years earlier.

He had no real problems with his first two projects. He tested how different objects conducted electricity in the sixth grade, then as a seventh-grader he played music to plants to see if it affected their growth.

Neither stimulated my taste buds.

But as an eighth-grader he studied Jelly Bellies, testing whether or not people could determine the correct flavors just by color and taste. Of course, no one got the opportunity to taste the black ones--licorice is my favorite.

So I guess this wasn't the first time I'd eaten one of the boy's science projects.

And what was he was trying to determine with apples died green, yellow, blue and red with food coloring?

I'm not exactly sure what the project was all about. All I know is that it was delicious.

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Dick Sparrer is the editor of the Saratoga News. Contact him at dsparrer@svcn.com or 408.354.3110, ext. 31.

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Commentary: Science projects can be extraordinary, if not too tasty

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