Informal survey of stepfamilies

The Teen and Family Counseling Center, whose offices serve schools in the Los Gatos, Saratoga and West Valley area, took an informal survey of students they see who are from stepfamilies. Here's what they found.

Stepfamilies are difficult for children when:

* Stepparents are more loyal to their biological children than the new spouse.

* The stepchildren are not valued as much as the biological children, or the stepparent makes no effort to get to know them.

* The biological parent acts different when the stepparent is around.

* The stepparent tries to discipline them or tries to be "Mom" or "Dad."

Youngsters struggle with moving back and forth between houses. They have a hard time dealing with the differences in rules and discipline between houses as well as differences between stepparents and biological parents.

Children have a tough time when the biological parents are arguing. They miss their non-custodial, biological parent and their siblings when they don't get to see them often.

What children like about stepparents:

* Sometimes children feel the stepparent is like the mother or father they never had.

* Some appreciate the balance a stepparent brings to a single-parent home.

* The stepparent can be more open-minded and easier to talk with about personal problems.

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