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Singles from throughout Santa Clara County attended an Aug. 11 dance at the Saratoga Community Center, organized by Your Asian Connection. President Julie Ma sums up the company's philosophy: 'It is by your happiness that we measure our success.'
Photograph by Paul Myers
Singles Match
A variety of groups offer entrée into the local singles scene
By Shari Kaplan
Photographs by Paul Myers
Before every baby comes into this world--according to a traditional legend of Judaism--its neshuma, or soul, is split in two. One half of this essence goes to a particular newborn; the other half goes to another baby in another place, sometimes even at some other time.
Because of this inborn rift, all persons have a yearning--some stronger than others, of course--to find their other half. It's no wonder that when people feel this search is complete, they say that they have found their "soulmate." In Judaism, there's a special word for that, too--beshert, which loosely translates as "meant to be."
But what's a South Bay single who hasn't yet found the person meant to be his or her soulmate to do? No matter where singles live, they can turn to hundreds of services on the Internet--merely typing "singles" along with "dating" in any search engine produces several screens of sites to visit.
Many local singles, however, prefer searching for dates and mates in ways that are less anonymous than digital matchmaking. Although all of the organizations below maintain websites, they maintain no "profile browsing" or "compatibility quizzes." The sites are simply informative accessories that complement the organizations' real purposes: to bring real people together for real relationships.
Photograph by Paul Myers
At the Saratoga Community Center, single men and women from all over convened on Aug. 11 for a dance whose attendance topped 400. It included lessons and games. Your Asian Connection, a Cupertino-based matching service, hosted it.
Seeking a Soulmate
Not everyone takes the idea of soulmates literally, but it does make for a romantic and inspirational tale for single people, at least according to Miriam Zelman, who enjoys telling the story. And she knows whereof she speaks.
Not only is Zelman the social program director for a trio of singles' groups based out of the Addison-Penzak Jewish Community Center of Silicon Valley, located in Los Gatos, but she is also engaged to marry her own beshert this November.
Along with her commitment to her fiancé, 30-year-old Zelman is also committed to helping other single people meet their matches, especially in this area. She does that by keeping the center's three social groups going: Teva, for singles in their 40s and 50s; Beshert, for those approximately 35 to 45; and JUSI (Jews United for Social Interaction), for singles as well as couples, most in their 20s and 30s.
The groups' activities range from typical fare such as game nights, pool parties, hikes and dancing, to potluck dinners and religious services on Friday night to celebrate the Jewish Sabbath. Among the three groups, Zelman says, are people hailing from Los Gatos, Saratoga and many cities and towns throughout the Bay Area.
"I think it's hard to meet other single people. Not just in terms of finding someone to marry, but just single friends with something in common to hang out with," Zelman says. "Through work, you meet people you have things in common with, but you may not want to socialize with them. If you do go out with them, most people usually talk about work stuff."
She also said she believes that groups based out of churches, synagogues or other places connected to religion are valuable to people who want to marry within their faith.
"Not only do you find people with things in common because you're meeting while doing things you like, but there's also that commonality of religious background. Whether you're more or less religious than someone else, you still have that in common," Zelman explains.
Photograph by Paul Myers
Kim Smith and Spencer Harris attend a poolside mixer party held by Jews United for Social Interaction, also known as JUSI.
Church Singles
Diane Ritchie of Calvary Church in Los Gatos and Tiffany Randall of the Saratoga Presbyterian Church hold similar sentiments. Ritchie is secretary to Rev. Tom McEnroe, Calvary's pastor of singles ministries, currently on sabbatical leave. Ritchie says she feels faith-based singles groups provide a "safe outlet" for an "untapped market." That's one of the reasons Calvary created a position such as McEnroe's.
"Being single has its own set of dynamics," says Ritchie, a married 30-something with single friends. "In the Silicon Valley, it's really hard to connect with other people and have deep relationships. People are busy working up to 12 hours a day, and then they go home."
Groups such as Calvary's Common Ground (20s to 40s) and Grace to You (45 and older) were formed as comfortable outlets for people to connect, make new friends and perhaps make connections that lead to more than just friendship. Along with meetings on Sunday mornings and Wednesday evenings for prayers or Bible discussions, the groups also plan events such as barbecues, dinners, hikes, day trips and camping expeditions.
"The goal isn't to come here and instantly find a mate. We also don't throw the Bible at people," she says, chuckling at the misconceptions some people may have.
"It's just a warm, fun, safe environment where people can meet and not feel threatened," says Ritchie. "In a way, it [the church connection] kind of acts as a pre-screening. A lot of people who are 'weird' or 'scary' wouldn't come to a church anyway. I think people with a higher quality of character come."
Although the Saratoga Presbyterian Church does not yet have a group specifically geared toward singles, it does have one for young adults who are recent high school graduates, college students or recent college grads. The focus is fellowship and friendship, with weekly Tuesday night meetings that include Bible study, music, snacks and socializing.
"If something happens between people, that's great. We didn't plan it that way, but who knows what it might turn into," says Randall, who co-leads the group with her friend Christy Spencer, daughter of the church's pastor, the Rev. Richard Spencer.
"A lot of people are keeping their eyes open; a lot of people in this age bracket are 'looking' for someone," adds Randall, who says many young women in their 20s--like her and Spencer--don't particularly care for the "meat markets" they see at certain bars and nightclubs.
Photograph by Paul Myers
Part of the meetings of the Saratoga Presbyterian Church's young adult group consists of singing devotional songs.
Asian Connections
Cupertino-based Your Asian Connection understands the "meat market" problem and tries hard to avoid it, according to Robert George, one of the organization's staffers. In part because of the minority of Asian dating services in a valley where Asians are no longer a minority, and in part because the "village matchmaker" was well-regarded in many traditional Asian cultures, George says Your Asian Connection began carving out a niche just one year ago.
"We're a blend of traditional matchmaking with Internet capabilities," George says. Although the group has staff who personally interview prospective clients and verify clients' information and backgrounds, it also maintains a website visited by people throughout the world--especially users who know of the group's affiliate offices in China and Taiwan. More U.S. offices are on the way, George adds.
Since its inception, Your Asian Connection has grown into an organization with a dual goal: to help Asians who wish to meet other Asians, as well as helping Asians and non-Asians connect. One of the group's most popular activities, George says, are dances held at the Saratoga Community Center--a centralized venue attended by many South Bay members. Most range from 25 to 45, although there are older adults as well.
The dances are popular, according to George, because they involve lessons beforehand that help everyone feel more at ease. Additionally, male attendees are given flowers which they can then present to women with whom they'd like to dance. The organization's hosts also make sure people mix and socialize. Other activities include hikes, picnics, pool parties and SCUBA instruction.
"I think it reflects directly on the open-mindedness of this area," George says, referring to the popularity of Your Asian Connection events. Also, there's a huge Asian population here," George says, naming Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese and Thai as some examples. "We try to promote an international mingling of people. A lot of our members have commented that we're like a big family."
Photograph by Paul Myers
Christy Spencer, co-leader of a young adult group affiliated with the Saratoga Presbyterian Church, talks with Sydney Baird during their weekly get-together. The young people meet to discuss issues ranging from their religion to everyday life. Although not formed for matchmaking or dating, the group does have many single members looking for that someone special.
Singles Who Volunteer
For the approximately 850 members of Meeting for Good, it's neither religion, ethnicity nor age that brings them together. It is simply a personality trait: the love of helping others. It so happens that this affection may also help them find the more romantic kind.
Meeting for Good is a four-year-old nonprofit that gives members a monthly schedule brimming with community service activities from which to choose, both on weekdays and weekends.
Some of the activities require getting down and dirty, such as building houses for Habitat for Humanity, cleaning up creeks or planting native trees. Other opportunities are easier, but no less valuable, including sorting donations at Second Harvest Food Bank, visiting with residents of retirement homes or children's shelters, or helping local nonprofits run fundraising events.
"This provides a comfortable place where someone can come without having that feeling of being 'on the hunt,'" says Susan Custer, Meeting for Good's office manager and webmaster. "We emphasize that getting involved in volunteerism will change your life for the better. As a byproduct, you may also meet some interesting people."
"What happens is that people go to an event and get comfortable just chit-chatting with others about the work they're doing together. It opens up a door for people who might be a little on the introverted side," she adds.
"Even if someone goes to a particular event and doesn't meet someone, they don't have to feel they wasted their time, because they can still feel good about giving back to the community."
Photograph by Paul Myers
Dr. Steven Davis is the vice president of Your Asian Connection, a matchmaking service that specializes in bringing together Asians who wish to meet other Asians, and Asians and non-Asians who wish to meet each other. More than 400 people attended an Aug. 11 dance at the Saratoga Community Center.
Independent Group
Los Gatos Singles is all about community--the one in which its members live. According to club president Bob Boschert, the group has "been around for many years and has been through many iterations." Currently, its ranks are mostly people in their 40s through 60s--some singles, some divorcees and some widows and widowers.
"The age range is not intentional. It's just that if someone shows up who's 22, they don't come back," Boschert says, chuckling.
A 60-something divorced father of two, Boschert says that while some members are interested in finding a life-mate, others are simply people who'd like to meet others in their age range for fun and socialization.
"There's a need in this valley for more safe, social ways to meet people. If you're not a dancer or a drinker, that makes it even harder. Events need to be non-threatening and easy to go to," Boschert says.
That pretty much sums up Los Gatos Singles, he adds, as membership is just $10 a year and events are such that one needn't be an expert in any given discipline to enjoy them. Some events are potluck dinners at members' homes, hikes, game nights, dog-walks and group trips to movies, comedy clubs and flea markets. Although that group dynamic is always changing, Boschert thinks that's part of the fun.
"With any singles group I've been to, half the people are a 'core' group and half are newer people. In a healthy singles group, there's always a flow of people who come through and keep it alive," he says. "Often, it's the newer people who come in who are the ones to hook up with each other or with other people in the group."
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Saratoga, California Since 1955
