Family Daze
Fashionably speaking, it pays to keep old clothes in closet
By Debbie Farmer
This may come as no big surprise to some of you, but lately I've had a severe case of fashion confusion. Through the years, I've always been the type of person sewing in shoulder pads when everyone is taking them out, or hemming my pant legs while everyone else is cutting them off. But at least I knew where I stood.
Now, however, according to the leading fashion magazines, I'm not hopelessly out of style after all. I'm merely ahead of my time. As incredible as it seems, the shoulder pads and pegged pants that have been residing in my closet since the Reagan administration, actually place me one decade ahead of the current '70s fashion craze.
I don't know about you, but I'm a little confused by all this. I'm not sure whether to rush out and re-buy the same tie-dyed shirts and bell-bottoms I had three decades ago, so I'll be ready when the fashion world works its way up to the '80s--again.
But I'm not the only who's confused.
For example, the other day I went to the store and said to a sales clerk we'll call Tiffany, "I'd like a pair of beige dress pants with a 31-inch inseam."
"Sure." Tiffany nodded enthusiastically. "Capri, taper or floods?"
Depending on the decade you were born in, the thought of buying any one of these can be a very, very bad mistake. I wasn't sure what to say so I said again, "Could I please have a pair of beige dress pants with a 31-inch inseam?"
Tiffany looked around the store and said she would try to find some while I stood next to the register clutching my purse. After a while she came back with another salesperson.
"What were you looking for, Ma'am?" she asked.
"A pair of beige pants with a 31-inch inseam," I said.
She giggled then put her arm around Tiffany. They walked into the back room together and closed the door.
When they came back they had the store manager with them.
"Can I help you," she asked.
"Beige dress pants with a 31-inch inseam please," I said weakly. "But I'll settle for a pair of black shorts."
A flicker of recognition flashed through her eyes. "Great!" she said. "Walking, Bermuda or Board?"
It's not just pants that confuse me. It's shoulder pads, too. They wouldn't be so bad if they stayed where they belonged. But nooooo. You never know whether they are coming or going or where they'll show up next. In the '80s they started out small, but just as I got used to wearing them, they got bigger. Then they were removed altogether. Now they are put in all sorts of unexpected places, like bras.
Fortunately, I have found one fashion rule that has remained consistent throughout the years: The more money you spend, the thinner you get. It never ceases to amaze me that if I buy really, really expensive jeans I'm always a size or two smaller than when I left the house. Coincidence? I think not. Of course this doesn't resolve my fashion confusion, but it's nice to know if I bought a pair of jeans the price of, say, Louisiana, I could finally be a size six.
By now some of you are probably wondering why I'm wasting so much time worrying about fashion when I should be concerned about loftier things like everlasting world peace and all that. And you are probably right. But deep down I'm not really all that concerned about being in style. Partly because I'm a secure, self-confident, mature person who has grown comfortable with herself-and partly because I know that sooner or later, even if I do nothing at all, I'm bound to end up wearing the appropriate clothes in the correct decade.
Debbie Farmer can be contacted at ParadigmTSA@familydaze.com. Copies of her new e-book, 'The Best of Family Daze,' can be purchased at her website, www.familydaze.com.
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Saratoga, California Since 1955
