Speaker offers tips to help parents raising teenagers
By Leigh Ann Maze
Moody teenage sons, rebellious adolescent daughters and slammed bedroom doors were common denominators that brought a group of parents together at Saratoga High School on Oct. 14. Steve Saso, father of three teenagers and a high school teacher for 28 years, who currently teaches religion and marriage/family classes at Bellarmine College Preparatory, was invited by the PTSA to speak on raising responsible teens. Saso and his wife, Patt, a marriage and family counselor, are co-authors of 10 Best Gifts for Your Teen, Raising Teens with Love and Understanding.
"I'm here to learn what to expect, what to do and what not to do. It's so easy to make it complicated and try and over-parent," said Mark White, a father who came prepared with a notepad and pen.
Saso does not claim to be a perfect parent, nor does he have a silver-bullet solution to the "part joy, part guerrilla warfare" that is daily routine while raising a teenager. What Saso does offer are some engaging, often humorous stories that not only offer support to parents, but give them tools they can effectively use. "A lot of us are trying to do things differently than the way we were parented. That leads parents into uncharted waters where they may feel insecure. Our talks give people reinforcement, support and guidance in what they're doing," Saso said.
A story about a teen who suddenly quit soccer after the parent shelled out $47 for cleats drew knowing laughs from the audience. "As parents we all experience the same things and that's what's so fun," Saso said. "It takes a humble person who's willing to say, 'I have room to grow and learn.' " The story not only connected parents, but also was a medium through which Saso talked about ways to instill commitment in teens.
While parents sat engrossed, Saso spun animated tales about teenagers and rock concerts, sex, speeding tickets and school dances, many of them drawn from his own experiences. The stories served not only as a way of sharing experience, but for setting examples of parent behavior. For example a parent can "rescue" a child by paying the $300 speeding ticket, or can choose to let the teen deal with the consequences.
Responsibility is one of the 10 "gifts" outlined in Saso's book. In the case of a school dance, parents can ask 20 questions about how it was, and who their child danced with, or they can practice giving their teen "room," which is another of the 10 gifts. The 10 gifts that Saso suggests parents give their teens are respect, receptivity, responsibility, recognition, room, reconciliation, role-modeling, revelation of self, resolve and release.
From respect to role-modeling to responsibility to room and on through the list to the 10th and final gift--release into adulthood--parents and teens alike are faced with a difficult challenge. As L.D. Hirsh-klau, director of the Los Gatos-Saratoga High School District's substance abuse prevention programs once read on a billboard, and uses as her parenting mantra, "If you're kid isn't mad at you at least once a week, maybe you're not doing your job."
Saso moved to Saratoga with his parents, Louis and Virginia Saso, when he was a junior in high school.
Patt and Steve Saso will be speaking about raising teenagers using the insight and wisdom from their book, "10 Best Gifts for Your Teen." The event, open to the public, will be held in Saratoga at the Sacred Heart School gym on Nov. 3 from 7:30 to 9 p.m. A donation of $8 per person will be asked for at the door.
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Saratoga, California Since 1955
