Family Daze

Backpacks have become a fashion statement for kids

By Debbie Farmer

I hate to break it to you, but you might as well know: The current rage on the elementary school playground isn't designer jeans or pricey inflatable tennis shoes. It's backpacks.

Face it; they are no longer just a handy way to carry books around. They are, according to my 9-year-old daughter, a personal statement about who you are. And the wrong kind can mark a kid for life.

Clearly it's a decision that you can no longer take lightly. I mean, you can't just whip into a store and pick up any old backpack willy-nilly like in the good old days when you were a child. No siree.

Nowadays children have a set of strict, unspoken backpack-choosing standards that must be followed. Of course, they might vary from school to school, and even grade to grade, but the five main regulations that make up the backpack credo are essentially the same. They are:

1) A backpack must stand out in the crowd so it's easily recognizable in the classroom.

2) It must not be see-through so that everyone in the class will know it contains a used Kleenex, a Teddy Bear and an extra pair of dry clothes.

3) It can't be so small that it gets lost or confused with a canvas lunch bag.

4) After kindergarten, no whimsy of any kind is acceptable. This includes superheroes, cartoon characters of any kind, giant hearts and cute baby animals.

5) Any child who wants to be allowed into the fourth grade must, for goshsakes, have a backpack with wheels.

Now, you would think that since most stores usually have around a bazillion backpacks in stock at any given time, this wouldn't be so hard to do. You would think.

However, after checking off the criteria, you will find that this leaves only one acceptable type of backpack on the entire planet. Now, of course, this doesn't seem so bad, except that the backpack at the store you happen to be in is pink, and any fool knows that this year pink is definitely out.

So you have to do what any good, education-oriented parent would do: Trek off to another store and start over again. And again.

Now, if you think you are one of those parents who can get away with skirting the rules, go ahead. Try it. You will be faced with an endless series of unexplainable backpack "disappearances" until you are so tired and broken you're ready to agree to just about anything provided you never have to face the school-supply aisle at the local discount store ever again.

If you don't believe me, ask my friend Julie. Her son Joey went through 15 Ninja Turtle backpacks in the first grade alone--15. After buying the same one over and over again, she finally discovered that Joey had, in fact, outgrown his talking turtle phase, and now preferred something in more of a preppy plaid.

Frankly I'm not sure what drives children to be so darn picky about their backpacks. I mean, it's not like they use them for carrying schoolbooks around or anything.

Take, for instance, my daughter. The other day when we were walking to school, she was pulling her backpack along behind her with her violin perched on top, a bag lunch in her other hand, and a math book wedged tightly underneath her elbow.

And when I asked her what, exactly, was in her backpack, she rolled her eyes in an "of course" sort of way and said, "My new sunglasses. I don't want to break them, you know."

And, folks, I didn't even scream.

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