Saratoga News Pity those with no children to write about at Christmas Debbie Farmer When the last gift was wrapped and placed under the tree, I finally had time to read the many cards my family had received. A large golden card with a picture of Santa wearing an Armani tuxedo with diamond cuff links, being escorted into a limo and charging gifts by cell phone from QVC caught my attention. It was very different from the card of Mary Kate and Ashley dressed as kissing reindeer that my family sent. It had to be from my childless college roommate, Peggy. I began to twist my hair anxiously as I read Peggy's distinctive scrawl. "Dear All: Hope you are fine. We are, except for the sunburn Hal got in Hawaii this summer. Oh well, that's what we get for spending two months in paradise. Hal received another raise this year, as he was promoted for receiving the Nobel Peace Prize for his outstanding work in nuclear physics. He is just sick about having to go up another tax bracket so soon. I'm completing my master's in law this year--finally. It's tough to do while practicing to be a soloist in the New York City Ballet. That Baryshnikov will work you to death! Hal thinks I'm too skinny. The weight just seems to fly off my hips! I couldn't keep it on if I tried. The dog is starring in a new Alpo commercial and will receive an honorary degree from Harvard this spring, and the goldfish set the world's record for long-distance swimming in a freshwater pool. Well, got to go! The novel I'm writing isn't getting any shorter, and I've got to brush up on my French for our trip to Paris next week. Ciao!" I was so excited to hear from my old friend that I quickly grabbed my stationary and pen to reply: "Dear Peggy: It was great hearing from you! There's been excitement around here! Dave got a raise, and the electricity has been turned back on! The children got fresh fruit and I got new fillings! The baby napped for an hour a week ago, and I got to vacuum two rooms in a row while watching the dog throw up in my slippers. We took a family trip to the mall yesterday, and no one got lost or wet their pants. The restrooms at Macy's, Nordstrom and Bloomingdale's were awesome. Well, got to run. My toddler thinks my Jell-o mold is a potty chair and he's headed for the kitchen. Ciao! Ciao! P.S. I really think you need children to enrich your life. Have a great time in France. Tell Baryshnikov 'Hi.'" Debbie Farmer can be reached at debbie@ecis.com. [ Back to Contents Page | Saratoga News Home Page | Archives ] This article appeared in the Saratoga News, December 16, 1998. ©1998 Metro Publishing, Inc. All rights reserved.