Saratoga News

Diminutive Dr. Ruth tells all

By Deanna Wulff

Amid the crowd at Congregation Beth David synagogue on Dec. 7 stood a small, shining figure. The 4-foot, 7-inch woman, standing on a lift, peered over a wooden lectern, adjusted her bright purple and red outfit, and calmed the audience's overwhelming applause.

The 67-year-old gazed around the room, smiled like a grandmother at her young grandchildren and began. "Sex has never been a sin. Sex has never been considered something not to love," Dr. Ruth Westheimer said. "For every single sexual problem, I can find a Jewish tradition that provides a solution."

Westheimer, or Dr. Ruth as she is widely recognized, is a psychosexual therapist who helped pioneer the field of media psychology with her radio program, Sexually Speaking. Known throughout the world for her work in sexual therapy, she has a master's degree in sociology from the New School of Social Research and a doctorate in interdisciplinary study of the family from Columbia University.

But lesser-known about Westheimer is her Jewish background. Westheimer was born in 1928 in Germany and lost her parents during the Holocaust.

She was invited to speak at Congregation Beth David by a coalition of Jewish community leaders as part of their annual speaker series. West-heimer, whose latest book is titled Sex and the Jewish Tradition, said she was surprised by the invitation.

"At a conservative temple, I am amazed I can talk about sex," West-heimer said. "I came from an orthodox Jewish home, and sex was not mentioned."

But during her talk at the synagogue, Westheimer most definitely mentioned sex.

In general, she advised the audience to seek sexual guidance in the Jewish tradition.

"The sages knew about the importance of sexual satisfaction," she said. "They said if a man brings a woman to satisfaction, he will have a son. Sex is not only for procrea-tion, but recreation."

Westheimer's talk focused on sexual advice, but also digressed into secular sexual concepts. "I say abortion must remain legal because the woman comes before the child. Being Jewish helps me take this stand," she said. "Abortion is OK in the failure of contraception, but not as a form of birth control."

Westheimer expressed dissatisfaction with Judaism in only one area. "There is one aspect of the Jewish tradition that presents a problem for me--homosexuality," she said. "I treat homosexuals who walk into my office with the same respect as everyone else. The sages said sex with another man was an abomination. For me, I don't have an answer."

But Westheimer did have other answers. She took questions at the end of her speech.

"Does circumcision help orgasm?" one person asked.

Ruth answered: "Sex is in the brain, not in the sex organ. The question is moot. Size does not matter...except if it is a minuscule one."

The audience laughed.

Another audience member inquired about the disparaging jokes about Jewish women and their lack of sexuality. Westheimer replied, "Every time a joke like this is told, it is just a bad habit. It could be any ethnicity. I don't believe in ethnic jokes."

She also gave advice about premarital sex to an unmarried Jewish girl. "I couldn't say premarital sex is permitted in the Jewish tradition," she said. "But in life in general, make sure that you are in a fulfilling relationship."

Finally, she addressed why she doesn't bring her husband to her speeches. "I never allow my husband to come to my presentations, because he would tell all of you, 'Don't listen to her. None of it is true,' "she said.

The audience laughed and applauded as Westheimer descended from the podium to sign books and shake hands.