 I know they must think they're performing some valuable function. I don't know, like maybe protecting the house from those three Girl Scouts at the front door who are only pretending to sell us cookies when in reality they plan to break in and steal all the Purina Dog Chow!
But the dogs' barking is driving us crazy!
The guy is a golden retriever; the girl is half Lab and half chow. And while it's true to say that they are sweet dogs with barks worse than their bites, it's also true that their barking can be quite obnoxious at times.
When they would first go on their barking binges it was really quite cute and somewhat reassuring to think that maybe they would become pretty good watchdogs.
Ding-dong. Bark, bark, bark.
"Look at that," I'd say. "Someone rang the doorbell, and Casey and Curly are protecting the house. Isn't that cute?"
"Good dogs," the oldest would tell them. "Aren't you the big, brave dogs."
But it's grown old very quickly.
Ding-dong. Bark, bark, bark.
"OK, guys, I hear it," I'd say, rising to answer the door. But they wouldn't stop.
"That's enough now," I would add impatiently.
And now they bark every time they hear a bell ring.
Ding-dong. Bark, bark, bark.
"Quiet. That's just on television," I'll tell them.
Dong. Bark, bark, bark.
"Uh, dogs, I don't think you have to bark just 'cause I started the computer," says the youngest.
Ding-ding. Bark, bark, bark.
"Casey, Curly ... you idiots!" I'll bark. "That's just the microwave!"
I suppose it wouldn't be so bad if they only barked when they heard a bell ring. But they just don't know when to quit.
They bark when the doorbell rings. They bark when our friends walk into the house. They bark five minutes later, when our friends are sitting in the family room. And they bark 15 minutes later when our friends get up to use the bathroom!
It's not just when our friends come to the door, though. Now the dogs bark anytime they hear anyone at the front door.
They bark wildly as soon as they hear my keys jingle when I get home at night.
"Someone's there! We'd better warn the family! Bark, bark, bark."
"Casey, Curly ... be quiet," says the oldest. "It's just Dad."
Their barking intensifies with the sound of the keys sliding into the lock.
"He's trying to come in! This'll stop him! BARK, BARK, BARK!
"Dogs! A prowler wouldn't use keys to open the front door!" adds the oldest. "It's just Dad."
Then as the door opens ... bark, bark, bark, bark!
"CASEY, CURLY ... BE QUIET!" screams the oldest.
And they do, as soon as they see it's me and not Ted Kaczynski.
It's really quite obnoxious, or so I thought until last weekend.
On Sunday morning the doorbell rang. It was 11 a.m. The oldest was in the shower, and the youngest was still in bed. (Hey, I said it was only 11 a.m.)
So that meant answering the door was up to me and the dogs. They were barking loudly as I peeked through the peephole to see who it was. No one I recognized, just a nicely dressed family with Bibles in their hands.
I opened the door to greet them, and the dogs began barking even more wildly.
"Good morning," they said. "We'd like to give you ... uh, what, um, cute dogs. They're not dangerous, are they?"
"Oh, n..." I started to say, explaining that they were really just big chickens with loud barks. But then I caught myself saying, "Well, to tell you the truth, we were planning to go out today to get one of those 'Beware of Dog' signs to put out here to warn people about them. We just never know ... "
Before I could finish, they had turned on their heels, and with a quick, "Have a nice day," they were on the way down the driveway.
Hmm. Maybe this barking business isn't so bad after all.
Want to talk? Call me at 408.354.3110, ext. 31, or drop me a note at dsparrer@svcn.com.
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