But like it or not, there are some incentive clauses built into the unwritten contracts we have with our kids—at least, the ones I have with my kids.

I remember one time when the youngest was about 14 years old he had a double scoop day ... make that a double scoop with hot fudge and whipped cream!

What was the reason for the Baskin-Robbins bonus? A 'B-minus' in freshman biology that jumped to an 'A'! So his incentive payoff came complete with a cherry on top.

It's all part of the complicated labor negotiations that go on between a parent and child. Get a good grade ... get some ice cream; mow the lawn ... earn some cash; keep your room clean ... how about a color TV; show respect to your parents ... live to celebrate another birthday.

I know what you're thinking—those are all lessons and chores a youngster should learn and perform without reaping rewards. Oh well, call it a character flaw, but I've always liked to reward my kids for good behavior.

I have a perfectly good excuse for my actions ... my mother. She used to do the same things for me.

My room was never very clean, and I didn't spend much time on the honor roll—but I continue to live to celebrate each and every one of my many birthdays.

But there was one shining moment in my academic career when Mom rewarded me for a job well done. I remember doing especially well one semester as an eighth-grader at what was then Fisher Junior High School—so well that she took me to see the Harlem Globetrotters play the Washington Generals.

I remember that it was just me and her. I remember that we had great seats (center court, about six rows up), and I remember that Meadowlark Lemon and the Globetrotters were very entertaining.

But what I don't quite remember is what great feat I accomplished to earn such a wonderful reward. So I called Mom last night to see if she could remember.

"Sure, I remember," she said. "I think it was for a 'B-minus' in math."

"A 'B-minus'!" I cried. "You must be mistaken. I had to have made the honor roll or earned an 'A-plus' or had some other outstanding academic achievement."

"Nope," she said. "I'm pretty sure it was for a 'B-minus' in math. We were so proud."

Thanks, Mom.

Of course, meeting kids' contract demands gets tougher as they get older. Like when the youngest said the other day, "Hey, Dad, I got an 'A' in poli sci."

"That's great," I said proudly. "Sounds like a two-scoop sundae grade to me."

He was quiet for a moment, then replied, "I'd rather have a new stereo."

Tough negotiator.

But what do you expect after all the stuff kids hear about with professional sports today? Athletes have their contracts loaded with incentive clauses—win an award, get a bonus; make an all-star team, get a bonus; play a day game after a night game, get a bonus. It's getting ridiculous.

Still, kids see this stuff and they think that's how life is in the real world. (Boy, are they in for a rude awakening!)

It was like the other day when the youngest brought home an application for a membership for Hollywood Video. He and his buddy were sitting at the kitchen table going over the terms of the application and he was getting a little steamed.

"Not even a free video rental—what the heck is this?!" he muttered angrily. "Where are the incentives? Where is the signing bonus? Where is the long-term security?"

"Kevin, it's just an application for a video store membership," I explained. "You've been watching way too much ESPN!"

"Now here's five bucks," I added. "Go mow the lawn."

He looked at his friend, then turned to me and said, "Dad, I think it's time for us to renegotiate."

Want to talk? Call me at 408.354.3110, ext. 31, or drop me a note at dsparrer@svcn.com.