Fred is going to give it a try on May 5 when he joins Dr. Terence Delaney, LaRinconada pro J.D. Ross and others in the fourth annual Junior Achievement Golf Marathon.

The marathon is raising money for a good cause—Junior Achievement of Silicon Valley and Monterey Bay. In fact, it's such a good cause that I would consider joining them myself ... that is, if I hadn't given up golf.

But I have—and this time I mean it.

You see, I've given up golf almost as many times as I've given up jelly-filled doughnuts. Trouble is, I can't stay away from either one! The doughnuts? Well, for obvious reasons. But golf? I can't imagine what keeps pulling me back.

Maybe it's the great outdoors ... the lush, green grass; the tree-lined fairways; the fresh, crisp morning air. Maybe it's the memory of that one drive ... the one that cuts down the middle of that tree-lined fairway and gently comes to rest in the soft grass some 250 yards away. Or maybe it's the selective memory that allows me to forget most of the 114 other shots that ended up in someone else's tree-lined fairway!

Whatever it is, it's intoxicating.

This time I really mean it, though. I've given up golf. But it's not like it's the first time.

I gave up golf the day I rolled my tee shot from the white tees to just past the red tees (for those of you not up on golf lingo, there are three things I'd better explain about that statement: No. 1—The white tees are where the guys tee off; No. 2—The red tees are where the women tee off, usually located somewhere about 20 or 30 yards ahead of the white tees; No. 3—Tee shots are not supposed to roll!).

Anyway, it wasn't bad enough that I dribbled a drive some 60 feet off the tee and would now have to attempt to hit a fairway wood in full view of the foursome now standing on the tee behind me. Nope, my buddy—and I use the term loosely—had to unfasten the strap holding my bag to the back of the golf cart.

So when I hit the accelerator (and, as you might guess after such a shot, I hit the accelerator pretty hard), my bag fell off the cart, and clubs, tees and golf balls scattered all over the ground.

What I should have done was just leave it all right there and keep on driving. What I did, though, was scramble out of the cart, scoop everything up, and then advance to my ball ... which I proceeded to dribble another 70 or 80 feet off to the left in the trees.

Isn't golf a great game?

I gave up golf again the day I lost my 3-wood.

OK, so I didn't exactly lose my 3-wood. I knew where it was ... at the bottom of a water hazard on a golf course in Eugene, Ore. And I knew how it got there ... I threw it in. But, I figured, what good was a 3-wood that I could fold in half?

Don't worry ... the tree was fine.

Then I gave up golf one last time after playing in a tournament. I had actually played just about every day for two weeks to prepare for that tournament. But every day my score was just a little bit higher than the day before, until I ultimately recorded my highest score of all ... in the tournament!

It is a very humbling game.

So while the thought of playing 100 holes in the Junior Achievement Golf Marathon may sound really appealing, I'm glad that it's Fred and his friends experiencing all of that enjoyment. As for me, I'll just sit in the clubhouse and wait to see how things turn out. Oh, and while I'm waiting, could someone please pass me another jelly-filled?

Fred Luminoso is soliciting sponsors to pledge donations to Junior Achievement for his participation in the marathon. Those interested can call him at 408.741.1174, ext. 126, or email fluminos@apr.com. To reach me, call 408.354.3110, ext. 31, or email dsparrer@svcn.com ... as long as it's not an invitation to play golf!