In our household, one such movie is the romantic comedy American President that features Michael Douglas as President Andrew Shepherd and Annette Bening as his political lobbyist girlfriend, Sydney Ellen Wade. We've watched the movie so many times, in fact, that we can recite many of the lines as they are delivered.

One line that I recall comes at some point late in the movie when the president does something stupid (go figure!), so Sydney tells him off: "Well, then congratulations—it's only taken you three years to put together crime prevention legislation that has no hope of preventing crime."

Hmmm ... reminds me of the CAN SPAM Act of 2003, legislation enacted by Congress in November, signed by President Bush in December and enacted into law as of Jan. 1.

So now we have email legislation that has no hope of preventing junk email—at least if my computer at work is any indication.

I don't know about you, but I'm being bombarded by spam at an unprecedented rate. In fact—and I'm not exaggerating here—I'm greeted by no less than 500 to 600 email messages every time I return to the office after a weekend.

Oh, sure, I must be a pretty popular guy, you say. Well, I have to admit that only about 10 or 20 of those emails are really meant for me. The other 590 or so are promising enhanced body parts, dramatic weight loss, incredibly low mortgage rates and dream vacations. And am I the only one getting dozens of Viagra offers a day ... because it's starting to give me a complex!

Some of the subject lines sound very tempting: "Better sex guaranteed" or "Insane Mortgage Rates" or "Hundreds of Beautiful Women Are Waiting to Meet You" (oh, but if they were only true!).

But be careful! Don't open any these messages, no matter how enticing the subject line may seem ... at least, not unless you want to open the floodgates for hundreds more. Opening such emails only confirms to spammers that yours is a working email address.

So I don't open them. But let me apologize in advance. If someone out there has sent me an email and I haven't responded, it could be for one of a couple of reasons: the subject line simply said "Hi" or was left completely blank ... in either case, I'll never open it; or, your email was unfortunately sandwiched between "college girls desperate for cash" and "hi baby, what's up" when I grouped a block of messages to delete.

That's what I do, but I still get hundreds of them a week. Here are just a few of the unbelievable offers I received via email recently:

* Could you use a 150-inch big screen TV?

Hey, now that one sounds pretty interesting ... who couldn't?

* Get pre-approved to buy

Well, I could use a 150-inch big screen TV ...

* Wanna use my money?

Better yours than mine.

* Payment due; cancelled card

Wait a minute ... I thought I was using your money!

* Need valium?

Only when I open my e-mail.

* Invitation—set up a blind date

OK, but I'd better ask my fiancé for permission first.

* Someone wants to date you

Uh, I think she said no.

* Lose weight while you sleep!

Now, that certainly sound easy enough.

* Get thin now

Perfect. I think I'll doze off right now and get started.

* Hottest weight loss secrets

Is someone trying to tell me something?!?

* You can look and feel younger

How old do I look?

* Naughty footage from hidden taxi cameras

That's just wrong on too many different levels!

* This has got to be the coolest thing I have ever seen!

I hope it's not from the backseat of a taxi!

* Change your life

Yeah, maybe by enacting spam prevention legislation that might really eliminate spam!

Want to talk? Call me at 408.354.3110, ext. 31, or drop me a note at dsparrer@svcn.com.