Saratoga News

Cover Story

Photograph by Zachary Beecher

Gregg Bunker, a 26-year Saratoga resident, says he wants to keep his kids in the area for as long as possible. But Bunker realizes (from left) Monica, Dana and Cameron are growing up, and fast.

Dad's Day

Any man can be a father, but local men know what it takes to be a dad

By Jennifer McLain

When a husband and wife come together to share vows, it is with the hope of living their lives together forever. Children come next. Life is good. It is the family you dreamed of.

But sometimes bumps along the road become bumpier, and divorce seems the only way out.

But what about the children? Can they handle the split? Will it destroy them? Will you get to see them? Will they choose sides?

Divorce suddenly becomes associated with everything complicated--splitting the assets, the finances and then, the kids. Traditionally, fathers are the underdogs when it comes to custody battles.

But those dads who are persistent, loving and dedicated often find a way to make it work, to balance their careers, their heartache and their children's priorities.

They will be the father they always thought they could be.

Los Gatos resident Keith Krach, 49, is as much a family man as he is a businessman. The high-profile entrepreneur and CEO is driven and dedicated, and now runs an investment holding company in town, 3 Points Inc.

But he has had to balance his work schedule with his family life.

"I've always had a very interesting life and travel a lot, but my highest priority is my kids," he says. "I will change anything on my schedule for them. The time I cherish the most is with them."

When Krach and his former wife divorced two years ago, there were major adjustments the family needed to make.

"The transition from the traditional kind of parenting was obviously a big change," Krach says. His children, Monika, 20, Steve, 17, and Carter, 14, are involved with water polo, baseball, tennis and soccer, which means a full schedule and a lot of shuttling around.

"Communication is absolutely key, and making sure you have a big family calendar is a necessity," Krach says.

From the time Krach split up with his wife, the children spent 50 percent of their time at their mother's and the other 50 percent at their father's.

"I think it works out great," Krach says. "I have one week with the boys' full attention, and we have a ton of quality time. When they're here, we call the house our little bachelor pad." Although Monika is in New Jersey, Krach thinks that they, too, have become closer.

"Even with Monika, she spent the last two years at Princeton, but I've seen her 10 times out there," he says.

But not everything is peachy.

"Sure, it's not easy. I think sometimes when it's my week, I'm sure they miss their mother, and I'm sure it's vice versa," Krach says. And then there are the times when his children misbehave. If they are grounded at his house, for example, he doesn't let them get away with it at their mother's.

"If something like that happens in the middle of the week, I have to communicate with my ex to let her know what happened," he says.

Krach didn't have to worry about the added loads of laundry or cooking, partly because he has a family assistant. Krach does have a couple of kitchen specialties, though, such as pad thai and an egg sandwich.

While some responsibilities may have changed, Krach's approach to fatherhood remains the same. He has taken many family vacations with his children, hoping to expand their world views.

"I think a big part of fatherhood is facilitating children and helping them set a vision for themselves­not only what they want to do, but also the kind of person they want to become," Krach says.

And his children, he thinks, are well on their way. Monika will spend the summer in Bermuda for her summer internship as she studies a coral reef. Steve, who is a junior at Los Gatos High, was on the varsity baseball team that won the Central Coast Section championship. And Carter, who is at Raymond J. Fisher Middle School, is busily involved with sports teams.

"Being a parent isn't written in a book. Sometimes, I think, 'Gosh, I'm not really sure what to do.' But then I think back to what my dad would have done. And maybe someday my kids will look back and think, 'What would my dad have done?' " he says.

Krach hopes his catch phrase, "Remember, work hard and have fun," is rubbing off on them.

For Saratoga resident and dad Gregg Bunker, that's a philosophy he can stand by, too. After all, he has worked hard raising his kids, and now he is having plenty of fun.

Eleven years ago, Bunker, 55, was a different man. He was just settling a divorce, raising children who were 1, 5 and 8, and balancing all of it with his business as a property manager.

Since then, businesses and his children--Monica, 12, Cameron, 16, and Dana, 19--have grown, and with one daughter in college, he says things have gotten easy.

"Now, two of them have their licenses and one is in college, so it's virtually no work. Everything's easy," he says.

Bunker says the transition when he and his wife first split was also, well, easy. His attitude today about divorce is that it is strange if couples fulfill their "I do's" for the rest of their lives.

"Divorce is very common. It's abnormal for people to stay together forever," he says. In fact, he thinks that it just could work out better for the children in the long run.

"They probably end up seeing their parents more than they saw them before, and have more fun with them," he says, adding that for parents, it's not so bad either. "By the end of the week, you get really anxious to get your kids back."

After the divorce, Bunker was not bogged down with chores. He had housekeepers and cooks come in, and jumped right back into the dating scene.

When it comes to his kids, he's got a pretty simple philosophy: "We have fun--that's our job."

The kids trade off every other Monday, going between his home in Saratoga to their mom's home in Los Gatos.

"It's always been smooth, fun and easy," he says.

But, as with many fathers, Bunker says that he is having a hard time letting go of his kids as they get older. His eldest, Dana, is at Pratt Institute in New York.

"I want to struggle and keep them home for as long as I can," Bunker says.

Saratoga resident and dad Mark Chapman can appreciate that.

Chapman, 48, has several passions in life. His adventurous spirit has taken him on rattlesnake hunts and rafting in Alaska. And he loves soccer, coaching it for the past 18 years.

But his heart belongs to his boys, Tim, 22, Chris, 19, and Kevin, 14. Even after he and his former wife divorced two years ago, he has been dedicated to them in a way that only fathers can understand.

Chapman and his former wife see their boys' switch between homes every other week. But this is difficult for Chapman.

"When one of them isn't there, it feels incomplete," Chapman says at his insurance office in Campbell, with pictures of his boys lining the walls. "As the boys get older, there's a natural separation of independence. But it's hard as a parent. You want to hang on for as long as you can."

Chapman has been able to keep his boys around so far, with Tim attending a local college. But Chris will soon be heading to Cal Poly-San Luis Obispo.

"It's going to be hard," Chapman says of his adjustment to Tim's future absence.

Chapman has always been involved in his sons' lives. Whether it was coaching their soccer teams or serving on the Saratoga Education Foundation, he's wanted what is best for his children.

When it came to the divorce, however, he was worried how it could affect them.

"I always had the fear that they would choose sides," he says. But by staying close to their mother, Chapman says the boys have kept a healthy relationship with both parents.

The divorce, however, has helped him become even closer to his boys.

Whether it's taking more vacations with his sons or developing new hobbies, such as fishing with his youngest, Chapman can see some good come out of the divorce.

"We've bonded on whole new levels," he says.

Since the divorce, Chapman and his boys have gone through several adjustments. Besides his boys shuffling in and out of the house every other week, Chapman has had to take on the responsibilities on the home front.

"I make a mean bowl of Cocoa Krispies," Chapman says. "And like most men, I can order takeout, and I can barbecue."

Barbecued chicken is Los Gatos resident Steve Smith's specialty. That, and spaghetti, which his daughter Kate Smith, 24, said were the only two things her dad knew how to cook when he got divorced five years ago.

"Now, he can make about four things," she says of her dad, 53.

Kate Smith's admiration and love for her dad only strengthened when her parents divorced.

"He was the mother and the father," Smith says. That was one of the reasons why Kate and her brothers Chris, 22, and Liam, 19, opted to live with him full-time.

"There's not a day that goes by that my dad doesn't hug me and my brothers and tell us how proud he is of all us," she says.

Although Kate Smith is now pursuing a real estate career, and her brothers are in college, she says when her parents first divorced, her dad had to also balance his personal life with his business, Fox Construction.

"He was so busy. His cell phone would always be ringing off the hook. But he always made time for us," she says. "My brothers have been in wrestling and football their entire lives, and my dad has not once missed a match or game."

While the divorce was hard on her father, Kate Smith says it helped tighten her siblings with her father.

"We were always a very close family, but it was because of the divorce that our family became closer," she says. "It's funny, because it seems like there has been this negative thing just lifted off our house."

Above all, she says she loves her dad for his unconditional love and selflessness through the years.

"Not once have I heard my dad complain about the expenses of having everyone home," she says.

Many fathers can likely relate to Chapman's perception of being a dad.

"Fatherhood is nothing like I thought it was going to be. It's completely different," Chapman says. "It is definitely the single most rewarding experience in my life."