Saratoga News
Education
Cyberbullying a real concern for parents
By Emilie Doolittle
It's a common sight to see teenagers with their chins tucked and shoulders leaning over a cell phone, MP3 player or handheld video game. What isn't apparent is the image and dialogue on the screen or the way adolescents communicate with each other.
Even with a larger computer screen, parents are separated from viewing what their children do online, which makes it difficult to educate children about ethical online conduct.
With the infamous Megan Meier case back in the news, about a 13-year-old girl who committed suicide after receiving online abuse from an imposter on Myspace, parents are concerned about children using social networking websites.
Parents from the Saratoga Union School District and Sacred Heart School attended a parent education night on Jan. 24 at the Redwood Middle School library to learn how technology and the Internet affect children and how to create a positive experience for them. Most of the parents wanted to know how to protect children from cyberbullying.
"We have to start teaching our kids some ethical rules of conduct when using the Internet," said Denise Salin, the speaker at the event. Salin is a licensed marriage and family therapist, who has studied the effects of new technology on adolescents. She is also a counselor at Cupertino High School, where she hears complaints about cyberbullying from teenagers several times a week.
Salin said, "Children say a lot of overly personal comments online." She explained that some of them use social networking websites to vent. She said children will post notes or pictures that exclude other children, though not always intentionally.
However, social networking websites are not always vexatious for children. "Sometimes Facebook and Myspace can improve kids' confidence in their social skills," said Salin.
Saratoga High School freshman Leah Capek uses AOL Instant Messenger, Facebook, Myspace and Yahoo Messenger. She is aware of inappropriate online conduct. "There's just been a lot of fights online," she said. "People don't have to deal with talking to someone's face online, so they don't see the reaction of making someone sad or angry.
"Some people put up messages that say that they're going out with so and so, which excludes other people and makes them feel bad that they weren't there," said Leah. "Or they'll mention something from a fight that they had with one of their friends, so that everyone becomes included, instead of the fight just staying between those two people.
"They don't treat people online the way they would treat them in person."
Salin suggests that parents remind their children to treat others online the way they would face to face. She said it's important for parents to take an interest in their children's online habits even if the teenager wants to keep web profiles and online journals between friends.
"It's OK for you to be involved," said Salin. "Explain cyberbullying to them, which includes words and photos that are mean, embarrassing, inappropriate, threatening and so on. Tell your child not to respond to cyberbullying, but instead report it.
"Parents need to maintain a good relationship with their children so that they will let them know when there is something going bad in their lives."
For teenagers using social networking websites such as Myspace, Facebook, Xanga, You Tube and LiveJournal, Salin recommended that parents discuss expectations with them regarding safety, time limits, posting pictures or videos and adjusting privacy settings.
For parents whose children are new to the Internet, using websites such as Webkinz, Penguin Club and Whyville, Salin suggested that parents should expect their children to ask permission before they go online. She recommended parents check sites for their children in case of pop-ups or indecent content.
Sushama Thakker, who attended Salin's talk, said, "My oldest son is 16. I haven't reviewed his Facebook because I feel like he's old enough to have his privacy. I try to watch what my [sixth-grade] son does on the computer. When he's on the computer I walk around and see what he's doing and sometimes play games with him. I trust him, but I don't trust what pops up on the screen."
Sandy Taysi, who also attended the event, limits the amount of time her teenage daughter spends on the computer. "She was doing homework and instant messaging at the same time," said Taysi about her daughter. "So I told her she couldn't. I took her computer out of her room and she said, 'Thanks, Mom--now I won't be tempted.' "
Whether online or offline, adolescents want privacy in their social lives. Just as parents should provide love and support so that their child will have someone to talk to when dealing with bullies, the same applies with cyber bullies. Adolescents are growing up in an evolving cyber world and parents aren't always as in touch with it as they would like to be. But new technology doesn't have to cause a rift between parents and their children.
