Saratoga News

Photograph by George Sakkestad

Carol Doody has no problem finding a partner while square dancing at Murphy Park.

Single seniors socialize

By Justin Berton and Maggie Benson

When DJ Scott Slocum spins 45s and instructs those on the dance floor to "pass the ocean, spin the diamond, and slide on through," he's not asking them to do something illegal.

Though by the looks of the dancers' glazed eyes and silky moves, perhaps it should be.

Slocum is a caller for the Sunnyvale Singles square dancers, the Bay Area's last singles-only square dance group--and one of the area's few places where single seniors can meet other single people in their age group.

Sunnyvale Singles member Carol Doody said the group keeps only one rule about members' getting married: Don't do it.

"Once they get married we kick 'em out," she said. She added with little regret, "We kicked two out last week."

Former president Roger Havasy said the act of square dancing is probably the most sociable of the dancing forms he's tried.

"In square dancing you've got seven other people you're facing. You talk to them and you all share together," he said. "I find that a lot of fun."

The group is quick to point out it's not exclusive to seniors. The average age of the 70-member group is somewhere between 45 and 50, according to Havasy.

The Cupertino Senior Center is another good place for single seniors to meet, even though it doesn't offer programs specifically designed for matchmaking, like Sunnyvale Singles.

"[The center offers] a nonthreatening environment," recreational supervisor Diane Snow explained. "[The center] is--instead of the PTA or churches--a very comfortable place to be with other people. You can come and go without any fuss."

The center is successful in bringing seniors together, Snow said, because it offers activities in which "you don't stand out as a single."

Hiking classes, day trips, swing dances, workshops--all enable seniors to mingle with people who have like interests.

"People can travel as singles, and they meet other singles that way," Snow commented.

Older women who are recently divorced or widowed often struggle with the notion that they aren't supposed to go out solo, social worker Vivian Silva explained. "What I've found is whether they are widowed or divorced, women of that generation often haven't been given the message that they can do things alone," Silva said.

Silva hosts Lady Guinevere's Round Table, a rap group where older women discuss topics like dating, their changing bodies and sexuality. Participants range in age from 50 to 87 years old.

Silva said the group encourages single women to go to movies or dinner by themselves.

"They come back and report how they feel," Silva said. "We talk about taking little steps."

Losing a partner through divorce or death is difficult for both sexes, according to Snow. "The process is painful," Snow explained. "For some women it's becoming assertive and learning how to do things alone. For men it's learning they are very capable and can do things for themselves."

Silva also offers a workshop at the Center, Window to a New World, for men and women who have been recently divorced. Topics include financial and legal issues; the group also touches on what it's like to be single and how to date again.

"The senior center tends to be a place were it is easier to be single than other places," Snow explained. "Lots of people come in by themselves and meet someone that they like to do things with."

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