 |
|
|
|
|
Scholarships abound through rebound
By Mark Mayfield
March Madness is history, but fans across the country are still basking in the afterglow of watching some of the nation's best collegiate basketball players, highly skilled athletes who once made their parents VERY happy by receiving valuable scholarships to prestigious universities.
During this special time of year, many hardworking American parents are asking themselves this important question: "How can I, a hardworking American parent who's extremely concerned about the outrageous cost of a college education, increase the chances of someday seeing "scholarship recipient" attached to MY son's name.
The answer, my friend, is hoopin' in the gym.
The answer is hoopin' in the gym. (My apologies to Peter, Paul & Mary.) If you have a youngster who enjoys playing basketball, you should encourage him to participate in a local youth basketball program, which will teach him the fundamentals of the game, and may eventually save you LOTS of money.
During the last several years, my 12-year-old son has been a happy participant in a youth basketball program called "Little Hoopsters," and the results are convincing.
He is gradually becoming a hardworking, hoop-savvy, undersized, scholarship recipient; one who completely understands and effectively executes complicated offensive strategies; one who truly enjoys playing in-your-face, smothering defense; one who is not intimidated by taller, stronger opponents; one who would laugh uncontrollably if he could travel back in time and watch his father play basketball.
When I was in sixth grade, there was only one offensive strategy, a totally ineffective plan called "Don't Pass the Ball to Mark Because He's a Big, Fat Ball Hog," in which four of the worst players on our team refused to pass the ball to the best player on our team, scholarship recipient Mark Mayfield.
Sometimes the best player on our team, scholarship recipient Mark Mayfield, had to literally pry the ball away from his selfish teammates, in order to attempt his super-duper, backwards, half-court hook shot, which occasionally missed the basket because one of Mark's own stupid, jealous teammates blocked it.
Then, while the four worst players on our team mercilessly beat up scholarship recipient Mark Mayfield, a sneaky opponent grabbed the ball and ran down the court for an easy, uncontested layup, which gave his lucky team a razor-thin 230-6 victory.
But this isn't a column about the primitive basketball of my generation. It's an in-depth, unbiased column about youth basketball programs; and since an in-depth, unbiased column isn't complete without a few negative comments about the subject, I will now expertly provide a little journalistic balance: In my opinion, the latest trend in youth basketball suggests that the "train-'em-while-they're-young" approach has gone a little too far.
I strongly object to "Newborn Hoopsters" (also called "Little Poopsters"), because I firmly believe-and I really mean this--that a baby should completely devote his first few weeks to academics, a habit that will prepare him for the homework he'll receive during the next several years.
Besides, most newborns lack the strength, coordination and endurance to effectively rebound, box out, trap, attack the basket, take it to the rack, post up, and pound dribble.
By now, many impatient readers are probably saying, "OK, Mark, now that you've made your stupid little jokes about Newborn Hoopsters and Little Poopsters, get to the point of today's worthless column.
Well, Mr. and Mrs. Grouchy Reader, the point is this: Unless you allow your basketball-loving youngster to participate in a youth basketball program, you are a bad, bad parent who will be VERY sorry in a few years, when the rest of us are bragging about our sons with "scholarship recipient" attached to their names.
Mark W. Mayfield (himark@firstworld.net) was never really a scholarship recipient.
|
|
|
|
Sunnyvale, California Since 1994
