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Incivility: What's your excuse?
By Brian D. Rossman
Recently, it has come to my attention that meetings in Silicon Valley no longer begin at their scheduled time. Even if a meeting is mutually arranged, one or both parties inevitably will be late, thus delaying the meeting. Apparently, this is de rigueur and not discourteous. The definition of "on time" no longer refers to "as scheduled," but rather "within a relative time thereof, depending on extraneous factors, such as traffic, phone calls and checking email."
Just last week, I was scheduled to attend three different meetings, and not one began on time. One was delayed due to traffic considerations; the 101 Excuse. One was canceled due to an urgent matter that arose from an email; the Email Emergency. The third started 10 minutes late because an attendee sat in the parking lot completing a cellular phone conversation; the Phone Call Game.
What has caused the recent deterioration of meeting courtesy? One explanation may be that the various means of communication allow us to be in real or virtual contact with everyone at all times. Even though we may not be physically present at the allotted place and time, we are virtually present instead. Suppose you have a meeting scheduled for 10 a.m. and you're running late. If you call from your cell phone and announce that you are on your way, the person you are meeting will not leave or be upset, even though you were tardy. It is no different than arriving on time and excusing oneself to use the facilities. In Silicon Valley, it seems virtual presence is a substitute for actual appearance.
This is the result of technological innovation. The failure to be "on time" for a meeting, however, is the result of human adaptation. The 101 excuse is a good example. Traffic delays, frequently encountered along the route, often double the travel time. The uncertainty and difficulty in predicting how long a customary trip will take makes for a troubling dilemma. How much travel time do you allocate for a meeting 10 miles away? If you arrive too early, you lose productive office time. If you arrive late, you risk rudeness. In the Valley, it seems, the decision has been made. Arrive late, apologize, and blame traffic. Yes, Regis, that is our final answer.
How does an email emergency effect a meeting's timing? For office workers, checking email prior to leaving the office has become an addictive habit--a fix for our instantaneous communication needs. If an urgent matter is discovered prior to a scheduled meeting, the recipient will attempt to postpone or cancel the meeting. The other party, thankful that the recipient "notified them before they left for the meeting," realizes that cancellation on short notice is acceptable when handling an email emergency.
The phone call game, just as offensive, is similar to travel solitaire. It begins as one departs for a meeting. To play, you first need to estimate how long it takes to travel to the meeting; second, you need to prioritize the phone calls that need to be returned; and third, you estimate the length of each call. Finally, while you travel, make as many priority calls within the time estimate. Failure is costly in this game of skill because the inability to complete the conversation will cause the meeting to be delayed.
I have first-hand experience. Last week's delay was my fault. I returned a call to discuss what I thought was a brief matter. By the time I realized that the matter needed greater attention, I was beyond the point of politely ending the conversation. Instead, I was 10 minutes late to the meeting. I apologized. Then, I launched into a discourse of how bad traffic was while I was on the phone attempting to resolve an emergency that I had received in an urgent email. I probably should have told the truth.
If you are reading this, I am sorry--but the traffic on 101 was horrible!
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Sunnyvale, California Since 1994
