Boy, does Mark's Book Club feel stupid! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! We owe our members a huge mea culpa (a Latin expression that means, "We are stupid idiots who deserve a swift kick in our culpas!"). In our review of Of Mice and Men, we naively called Mr. Steinbeck "an unknown writer with considerable talent." MBC also gently chided the author by asserting that the book's outdated profanity sounds like it came from the 1940s. Well, club members, guess what? After that regrettable review appeared in print, our tireless research department discovered that Of Mice and Men was actually published in 1948, and that John Steinbeck is an accomplished novelist with several successful books under his belt! In fact, according to Mark's Book Club's very smart neighbor, who told us what "mea culpa" means, Steinbeck's books have been a staple in high school English classes for decades. MBC's talented team of highly qualified book screeners and reviewers readily admits that this mistake is inexcusable, but they'll try the following excuse anyway.

The oversight probably occurred because Mark's Book Club occasionally missed our high school English class so we could go to a nearby bowling alley for important extracurricular activities, including several games of Pong with our friends, Rudy's Book Club and Bob's Book Club. Worried about possible punishment from Dad's Book Club, Mark's Book Club repeatedly urged our friends to return to school before the end of class, but Rudy's Book Club wanted to wait until we no longer smelled like cigarette smoke. Since RBC usually supplied the transportation (a 1962 Ford pickup that was magically powered by an 8-track tape of Deep Purple's Machine Head), MBC and BBC had no choice but to stay at the bowling alley until the breath mints took effect. During one of our many absences, the rest of the class apparently read Of Mice and Men. Therefore, MBC's unfamiliarity with Steinbeck's work can be rightfully blamed on an impatient English teacher, who should've waited for the entire class to be present before reading a new book.

Despite that very convincing excuse, which would surely hold up in any court of law, MBC wants to atone for our embarrassing mix-up by issuing a formal heartfelt apology to Mr. Steinbeck and kindly offering to write glowing reviews of his next three books for half of our regular generous kickback fee. In return, Steinbeck must agree to purchase five of our glowing reviews at regular club prices within the next three years. This incredible offer won't last long, so MBC urges Mr. Steinbeck to get busy. After all, he needs to write eight more books before 2005.

Now let's take a look at today's featured book, which MBC recently purchased at a discount bookstore specializing in outdated books that nobody would ever buy for full price.

Mark's Book Club hates to tell you this, but if you can't resist cookies, candy, doughnuts, cake, soft drinks, ice cream, raw cookie dough, etc., you are a drug addict. According to William Dufty, author of the 1975 bestseller Sugar Blues, refined sucrose is an extremely addictive substance that can cause a wide variety of serious problems, including allergies, forgetfulness, weak adrenal glands, nervousness, acne, forgetfulness, fatigue, irritability, forgetfulness, confusion, depression, forgetfulness, low blood pressure, hyperactivity, hallucinations, antisocial behavior, loss of libido and forgetfulness. (Here's a startling admission from MBC: After reading the first few chapters of this shocking book, Mark's Book Club realized that we, too, are hooked on sugar, often experiencing most of the aforementioned maladies. We won't be sure about that "loss of libido" part until we look up "libido" in the dictionary.)

Unfortunately, Mark's Book Club is out of space for today's glowing review, but because of the importance of this topic, we may continue our critique of Sugar Blues in our next installment. Meanwhile, Mark's Book Club really needs to satisfy a craving for fudge brownies and Pepsi.

Mark Mayfield (mark.mayfield@attbi.com) was very embarrassed when he looked up "libido" in the dictionary.