The Willow Glen Resident Photograph courtesy of Cookie Curci-Wright Embraceable You: Don Curci-Wright gives his mother-in-law a holiday squeeze, a tradition which appeared as though it might become endangered. Remember When Old-fashioned hug stages comeback By Cookie Curci-Wright Maybe I'm wrong, but it seemed to me that a lot more people were hugging each other this past holiday season. I saw it in the shopping malls, at the coffee shops and in the tea rooms of our city. I witnessed it in the doorways and on the front porch stoops of my neighborhood as friends and family greeted one another in celebration of the season. For a long time now, I've been concerned that people were withdrawing from the old-fashioned custom of greeting one another with a warm embrace, giving up the hearty hug in favor of a cool handshake. The physical manifestation of a greeting seemed limited to a nod, a wave or a high-five. Like Mr. Scrooge, people were becoming stingy with their emotions and embraces. Because of convention, or the fear of intimacy, the friendly caress, once the most natural of greetings, was designated as a consoling expression in times of grief. But now, as we approach the millennium, I'm pleased to say that things are changing, and the outdated hug is back in vogue. Since Aristotle first listed the five human senses, scientific understanding of these senses has come a long way--but we still don't know precisely how some of the senses work, especially the sense of touch. We know that our skin contains several senses that are called the sense track. These cells and fibers are scattered throughout our skin, with our fingertips and our lips containing an especially large collections of these cells. That would account for the general popularity of kissing and touching. True, we live in a world where a measure of conformity is required, where conventions are respected and precedents must be observed, and where rules were made to be followed. Therefore, I'm not suggesting we scamper madly about indiscriminately hugging strangers or new acquaintances, especially in the workplace, where you must be careful about who you hug and under what circumstances. These days, sexual harassment suits are filed more quickly than yesterday's news. Yes, it's a new world and a new time, but it doesn't seem all that long ago that my generation was living among the influence of our immigrant parents and grandparents. A time when warm-hearted people with Old World ways demonstrated their love of family and friends with an abundance of hugs and caresses. I'm happy to say, there was never a shortage of these hugs and kisses among the members of my gregarious Italian-American family. There was never a time, or occasion, to my memory, that my grandparents didn't encircle their cherished grandchildren with a mighty bear hug that told us we were loved and how happy they were just to see us. My grandmother's hardworking hands were rough and callused, but nonetheless, they always felt tender and loving when used to nestle us lovingly to her bosom. It's been a long while now since my beloved grandparents were a part of my life. But I still cling to their old-fashioned practice of giving out strong, hardy hugs whenever I greet relatives and friends. There are times, however, rare as they may be, when my embrace isn't always welcomed. Sometimes, the recipient of my robust and generous greeting stands motionless, without responding, giving me the feeling that I somehow overstepped my boundary, crossing an invisible line and intruding on their private space. In their defense, I suppose some people have to warm up to this hugging thing, and with a little time and patience they just might come around. When my hugs aren't received with the same enthusiasm with which they are given, I console myself in knowing that it's just a risk a hugger has to take, and that most of the time my hugs are gratefully welcomed and warmly reciprocated. Some people are just natural-born huggers, like my uncle Nick Dinapoli. He never fails to engulf me in one of his expressive hugs--whether it's been one day or one year since our last visit. A tender hug, or robust squeeze, can help us express our feelings to one another when we can't otherwise find the words. When my young nephews, Rocco and Michael Curci, rush rambunctiously to greet me, wrapping their arms tightly around my neck with a mighty grip, they're really saying, "Hi auntie, we're glad to see you." When my husband Dan comes home from work each night, I greet him with a lingering hug that says, "Hi honey, I'm glad you're home, you were missed." An old-fashioned hug helps us pass along a measure of our love. For years, research has taught us the importance of touching and hugging to our health. Touch Therapy, by Helen Colton, taught us how touching is necessary to our well-being and enhances our lives. Author and lecturer Dr. Leo Buscaglia dedicated his life to the better understanding of human love, and was known worldwide as the "hug doctor." Dr. Buscaglia valued the hug, and believed it essential to leading a long and healthy life. And, so far, no one has ever proven the contrary, or that a caring hug can be detrimental to our health. I share the opinion of my friend Dr. Buscaglia, that the hug is a human affirmation of how much we value and cherish one another, an outlet that's good for the hugger as well as the hugged. Grandpa Dinapoli used to say, "You get from this life what you give." I believe it's true, and that it applies to physical affection as well. So, if you want to be in on the receiving end of an affectionate hug, you'll have to begin by distributing them freely among your friends and family. Have you hugged a loved one today? [ Back to Contents Page | Willow Glen Resident Home Page | Archives ] This article appeared in the Willow Glen Resident, January 27, 1999. ©1999 Metro Publishing, Inc. All rights reserved.