Genevieve George had never considered what she would do if her husband passed away. In 22 years of marriage, it was not a thought she wished to entertain. So when it finally happened, when her husband slipped away six years ago, George was not only devastated but also unprepared.
"It was sudden, he seemed to have perfect health," she says. "In three weeks he was gone. I would sit in the chair and cry and cry and cry. You just sit at home and look out the window and wonder what you should do."
Although George had friends, most were married couples that she and her husband had socialized with together. Being with them not only reminded her of her late husband, but often left her feeling like a third wheel.
"We had such a close relationship that I didn't meet hardly anybody else, we were just happy to be together," George says. "And all of the sudden, in three weeks, he was gone."
George, 81, quickly joined a Living with Dying group, which led her to the Widows and Widowers Association. She says she cannot imagine what her life would have been like had she not joined.
Instead of her weekly breakfast at Coco's, card games on the second Wednesday of each month, a potluck at the end of each month, a sewing circle and the other activities the organization provides, George would likely have spent most of her time alone. Now, she not only has activities but more than 100 friends, all in circumstances similar to hers, whom she calls upon for companionship.
"You have married friends but it's different. You can't call up and say 'would you like to go to lunch with me,' because they have husbands," George says.
Others in the group say the feeling of commonalty is the best part of the Widows and Widowers Association.
"We're all in the same boat, we've all gone through the trauma of being alone," says Juaneva Martin, 84. "We have what we call a friendship circle, and we give people a chance to talk and express their feelings."
The group was started in June 1976 by a few widows and widowers affiliated with El Camino Hospital. More than 20 years later, the group boasts more than 100 members, and dozens of activities each month. These occasionally include out-of-town trips to Reno or other locations.
The only thing lacking, George says, is publicity. She feels there are more widows and widowers out there who would enjoy belonging, and that it's just a matter of reaching them and letting them know they're welcome.
"We put out activities so that you don't have to stay home and be alone," George said. "And we give a little bit of counseling to anybody who needs it. The only requirement is that you have to be a widow."
Interested widows and widowers may attend two activities free of charge. After this time people must sign up for the $20 annual membership fee.
For information on the San Jose Widow and Widowers Association call 269-7126.
Willow Glen, California Since 1992
