Nakatani documentary will air at Discovery Museum

'Honor Thy Children' is based on book about family who lost three sons

By Michele Leung

Al and Jane Nakatani will present a special screening of their documentary Honor Thy Children at the Children's Discovery Museum on May 19, at 6 p.m. The documentary, with montages of old family movies, pictures and interviews, is based on the book of the same title by Los Gatos author Molly Fumia. The film tells the story of how the couple lost all three of their children before the age of 30, and how the family struggled against racial and social stereotypes.

Two of the three Nakatani sons, Glen, the oldest, and Guy, the youngest, died of complications from AIDS. Glen passed away in 1990 at 29, and Guy followed four years later at 26. The middle son, Greg, was murdered in 1986 in an altercation following an automobile accident. He was 23. All three were graduates of Leigh High School in San Jose.

Al Nakatani, the father, describes how each of his sons was different. Glen was the introspective one, Greg the temperamental and macho one, and Guy was the outgoing one, "though he kept demons to himself."

Guy dedicated his last years to speaking to schools on AIDS awareness and, since his death, his parents have continued his work as activists. They travel around the country with their organization Honor Thy Children Inc., speaking on the topic of human denigration and using the documentary as an educational tool. Al Nakatani says that human denigration, a by-product of our experiences, degrades, disenfranchises, disempowers and destroys.

"Because our sons were a racial minority, they were degraded. At some point, for two of our sons, the process of denigration was persistent at a young age [because they were gay]," said Nakatani.

Nakatani says the process of alienating his sons began at home because of the expectations he held for them as sons and as Japanese Americans. For example, he believed that his oldest son should bring honor to the family and that academic success should figure prominently in all of his boys' lives. "My expectations were inappropriate for two of my sons. They couldn't be met," he says.

The father recalls the struggles his sons went through in denying their Japanese ancestry. "One time, Greg was upset at a discriminating comment made around Pearl Harbor. He always said that he was American, not Japanese; he never dated Asian girls," said Nakatani. "Guy hated [being Japanese]. He distanced himself from the food."

Nakatani explains that he unintentionally had a hand in disparaging his sons. Because the loyalty of Japanese Americans was questioned during World War II, he was brought up to show his superiority. "[Japanese Hawaiians] had to compete and show we were better. We had to assimilate to the white culture," he said.

Having grown up in Hawaii, he was insulated from and ignorant of the prejudices his sons faced. "The kids saw us traveling with the white community and saw it as something they had to do."

For Nakatani, despite the obvious grief, there has been a redeeming quality in his sons' death. He enjoys speaking to both young people and adults and says he never tires of sharing his story and answering the same questions, because he wants to make others think.

Fumia, who wrote the family's biography, is one who has been affected by the Nakatanis' work. Guy approached her in 1993 and asked her to write about his family. "I immediately abandoned what I was working on and became deeply involved with them," she said.

She acquired more than 200 hours of tape and spent time with the family in Hawaii. However, she didn't leave without learning a lesson herself. "The Nakatanis were unwitting parties in the deaths of their sons because of the prejudices and values they imparted," she said. "I basically learned all of us are capable to denigrate other human beings. The real challenge as people is to examine everything we say."

Fumia applied the moral she learned to her book's title. "I wanted to turn the adage on its ear. It's usually 'honor thy father and mother.' It's a Christian commandment, it's a Jewish and Buddhist saying," she says. "But children come to the world owing us nothing, and we owe them everything from the beginning."

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All of the proceeds benefit Honor Thy Children Inc. Funds will go to the completion of the documentary and other educational materials. For more information, call 408.867.2546.

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