The Willow Glen Resident

Groups help Alzheimer's caregivers find answers

By Rebecca Wallace

The faces of the men and women sitting in rows of chairs in the pale-pink room--some nervous, many resigned--give clues to how long they have been caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's disease.

The topic of the May 7 caregivers' support group meeting in Willow Glen is choosing an assisted-living facility for that person. As speaker Kati Knox Wrobel gives advice, people who have not yet had to make the decision pepper her with anxious questions: "How do I know what to look for?" "How much will it cost?" "What if Mom refuses to move?"

Others who have already placed their wife or father or sister in such a facility nod understandingly as one woman describes the process of searching for the right one as "a full-time job."

Run by the Los Altos-based nonprofit Alzheimer's Association, the group has been meeting for about three years at Willow Glen Villa, a retirement community with assisted-living and Alzheimer's facilities, says Maxine Lanway, a volunteer who has been leading groups for about 12 years.

"My husband was a patient many years ago, and that's what prompted me to do this. He's been gone now for 15 years, and I've been working with the Alzheimer's patients ever since," she says.

"There is always a core group of regulars who come every time, and almost always a few new people. They can get a lot from one another, and they get to know each other well," she adds. "The group is very supportive."

Hard questions about care facilities, treatment and the nature of Alzheimer's get answered in this group, where Lanway provides a table filled with informative brochures, those on the mailing list receive a monthly newsletter and every other meeting features a speaker.

The group meets on the first and third Thursday of each month from 7 to 9 p.m. at Willow Glen Villa, with the next meeting scheduled for June 4. Tim Millar of Millar Financial will speak on financial issues related to Alzheimer's.

At the May 7 meeting, Wrobel, the owner of two residential-care facilities in San Leandro, runs a hand through close-cropped blonde hair and answers every question in a compassionate voice.

"It's so hard as a caregiver. You've been taking care of them for so long; your heart is their heart," she says.

"Do your research first," a man advises the new members. "Look for a place before you really need it. Get on a waiting list."

Wrobel discusses several issues, such as the merits of facilities that have multi-tiered care so that people whose health worsens can move to an area with more care without leaving the community. "They can be better, but sometimes people there get terrified by seeing the door to the next level," she says.

"Don't make an appointment to see a facility," Wrobel says. "Just go see it. Use your instincts. Look for bad vibes." Lanway adds that a list of skilled-nursing facilities is available from the Alzheimer's Association.

By the end of the evening, both Wrobel and veteran group members have imparted tips and encouragement, and many people new to the group are visibly relieved. Two women who discovered during the meeting that both of their mothers live at Willow Glen Villa walk out together chatting amiably.

The Alzheimer's Association sponsors numerous support groups around the Bay Area, including those meeting at O'Connor Hospital and the Southside Senior Center in San Jose.

Recently, the association organized a weekly early-stage support group for people diagnosed with early-stage Alzheimer's. Those interested in that group need to be interviewed by one of its facilitators; for more information, call John Timbs at the Alzheimer's Association's number, 800/660-1993.

Willow Glen Villa is located at 1660 Gaton Drive. For more information about the Glen support group, call Lanway at 266-9899.

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