An older woman upstages the smartest person in universe

By Debbie Farmer

Although I've heard this type of thing before, I really wasn't prepared for it to happen so soon: my 4-year-old son has thrown me over for an older woman.

Oh, it all began innocently enough. I'd pick him up from preschool and he'd tell me all about his day finger painting or coloring. My first inkling came when he started mentioning circle time with a far away look in his eyes.

"Did you know Miss Linda sang us a song about a pizza?" he'd say wistfully.

Then it became more direct. "Why aren't glasses round like Miss Linda's?" Why don't you double knot my shoes like Miss Linda?"

And, as if I needed more proof, I couldn't even read his bedtime story right. I picked the wrong book; I read too slowly; I read too fast. Baby Bear's voice sounded more like Goldilocks and, on top of that, I had the nerve to read all of the words on a page before showing him the picture.

Apparently this was a special story that could only be told correctly by Miss Linda. He politely put up with me, but when I gave him a kiss and turned out the light, I thought I heard him sigh.

The next night I decided to forego the story and try a few fun songs instead. I tucked my son in and launched into a rousing rendition of the Itsy Bitsy Spider. However, I was not only singing different words than Miss Linda, I had also incorrectly touched my fingers together to make a spider.

The final straw came when I wrote his name on his lunch bag and he insisted it couldn't be right because "Miss Linda doesn't make B's like that."

It's hard to believe that only a few short months ago, I was the "The Smartest and Most Favorite Person in the Universe." Things were so simple then. And to think I was annoyed when he'd ask things like "how come birds fly?" or "why does the car sound funny?" and then hang onto my every word as I struggled to make up some answer. And, if I was gone for more than 15 minutes, he'd cry "Mommy" and rush into my arms for a big hug when I returned. But all that's over now, and I just have to accept that instead of being on the "A" list, my popularity has slid farther down the alphabet, somewhere behind the dentist.

To be honest, I'm not quite sure what Miss Linda's attraction is. When I ask my son, he just sighs and says wistfully, "Miss Linda has tadpoles." But I have a feeling it could also be her big, flashy apron with the bunny rabbit pockets. Or the way she always has fresh ground coffee beans ready for digging in the sand table or dozens of ziplock baggies filled with homemade purple Play Doh. Or maybe it's the fact that she sings animal songs with all of the correct finger movements.

But I'm not worried. Since I have an older child, I know the excitement of finger painting and Play Doh will eventually fade and I will once again reclaim my rightful place as the "Smartest, Most Favorite Person in the Universe"--at least until my son starts kindergarten.

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Debbie Farmer can be contacted at familydaze@home.com.

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