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Sometimes there's more to absent-mindedness
By Deborah Taylor-Hollis
Has your spouse ever stepped over the dirty laundry, and when you called him on it he said he didn't see it? Has your mate left cup rings on every piece of furniture you own?
For 20 years I've lived with a wonderful man who couldn't remember his mother's birthday, which is just six days before his. Valentine's was just another day, even with hints. I said that the Y gene was just a broken X, and he was missing important genetic material. I frequently looked at him as if he was from Mars.
But that wasn't the problem. As about 5 to 8 percent of the population, he has ADHD.
Like being dyslexic or nearsighted, Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorders are just learning disabilities--a genetic quirk that makes about one in 20 or so people think differently.
It's a mostly (85%) male thing, and you can't tell an ADD/ADHD person without knowing him or her well.
I know four kids with ADHD symptoms--they get distracted easily, talk too loudly, interrupt and can't concentrate. They are also funny, creative, intelligent, considerate children that, with minor help, can learn quicker and excel more than their peers.
With behavioral modification and, occasionally, medication, you would never notice or categorize them as learning disabled.
And as another school year looms, the ADD children of the world face discrimination, lost educational opportunities, suspensions, expulsions and even being classified as everything from dangerous to incompetent. All because they think differently .
As they mature, ADDer's learn "work arounds" for memory, learning and living. Many are reclassified as "symptom free" when they grow up, according to the latest medical information. The rest just learn to live with their shortcomings. They spend their whole lives having to work twice as hard as others to achieve the same performance levels.
Luckily, ADHD people usually have higher-than-average IQ's and are more creative than the rest of us, so they can more than compensate. Tom Cruise is an ADHD personality. The same goes for Walt Disney, Albert Einstein, Robert Kennedy, Cher, Stephen Hawking, Dustin Hoffman, Magic Johnson, Mozart, Eleanor Roosevelt, Nolan Ryan, Jimmy Stewart and many other recognizable names.
You'd never know how hard it was for them until they learned to make lists for themselves, have directions repeated to them, sit in quiet rooms to take tests, or control their tempers. You'd never guess how many of them had to endure the torments of other kids making fun of them.
Even though ADHD has been around for over 100 years, it has been called many things. If you could travel back in time, I'm sure you would find that the ancient Kings of Scotland couldn't find the battlefield without the map their wives made, and when they forgot St. Swithins Day the local leech man bled them to remove the evil. Fat chance. You don't "cure" ADHD anymore than you "cure" being redheaded. You just learn to live with it and hope others help you out.
This year the National Institute for Health and the Surgeon General's Report both mentioned that ADHD has been included in the learning disabilities category that protects sufferers under federal law.
Without the legal protections offered by that kind of coverage, kids with ADHD are often refused services and special help by school districts trying to save money--and parents have had no recourse.
Most people only hear about the "drug debate" over using stimulants to help these kids stay focused, play nicely and succeed similar to their peers. The debate isn't over using drugs; it's over identifying the four out of five sufferers who haven't been helped at all, who have failed, messed up and hated themselves for not being able to compete and achieve as their friends, siblings and neighbors.
I hate to give errant spouses another excuse for leaving the car unlocked, the wet towels on the floor and keeping the kids up past midnight. But if you've tried everything else, you might want to contact CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention Deficit Disorders): www.chadd.org, or 954.587.3700., or ADDA (Attention Deficit Disorder Association): www.add.org, call 800.487.2282, or check out www.About.com, health, ADHD.
But don't hold your breath waiting for them to remember your birthday.
Deborah Taylor-Hollis can be reached at dthollis@metronews.com.
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Willow Glen, California Since 1992
