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A hazard of motherhood
By Debbie Farmer
This is going to be a sad story about a mother of two who has hit rock bottom. If you are the type of person who is always on time for the carpool, remembers to attend PTA meetings and balances your checkbook, just move along quietly. This column is not for you. If, on the other hand, you are the type of mother who arrives in the school parking lot as the morning bell rings, forgets birthdays and routinely loses permission slips, read on. You will soon feel a lot better about yourself.
Yesterday, in the rush to get my children out the door on time, I sent my 5-year-old son to school without his teddy bear. Now, of course, this may not seem like such a big problem to you. However, yesterday was the annual teddy bear picnic, which means, as you've probably figured out, that all kindergartners get to bring their favorite teddy bear to school.
Oh, I know what you're thinking. You are thinking that only the worst kind of parent could leave her child bearless. Believe me, you are absolutely right. But, before you start writing letters, calling the authorities and all that, I want you to know that the minute I realized my mistake I threw myself at my son's feet and begged for forgiveness.
"Mom, it's OK," he shrugged. "Stop crying. There were extras."
But, let's face it. Even though everyone was nice about it, I still feel guilty. Besides, we all know what's really going on here. Any request for a child to bring something to school is really the teacher's way of seeing exactly what kind of parent you are.
Oh, I could've made excuses. We had an out-of-state emergency and didn't have time to get the bear, or that it had fallen out of the car window on the way to school.
But that wouldn't be true. Besides, it could happen to anybody, right? RIGHT?
In my defense, I'm really a good parent. It's just that, sometimes, I end up making the wrong impression.
Such as the time I took my kids to the library. Everything was going really well until we got to the checkout desk and I couldn't find my card. This meant that my information had to be looked up in the computer. So they punched in our phone number and brought up my entire borrowing history. I bet criminals in the federal penitentiary have a cleaner record than mine.
First of all, it listed all of the times I requested a new card. Then it said I lost a magazine. On top of that, it showed I owed fines for a book checked out in 1993.
Naturally, I didn't remember any of it, but something told me that the librarian wasn't going to trust me with any more books until I paid up. So I wrote a check. But then they needed to see my ID, which, of course, was somewhere at home--possibly marking my place in the missing book. In less than five minutes I went from suburban mother of two, with an A+ credit rating and a good dental plan, to an irresponsible menace to society.
Then, of course, there was the time I forgot to send a giant rock to school so my 7-year-old daughter could make a Christmas paperweight. Not to mention an empty baby food jar for a snow scene and a flurry of late permission slips.
But I digress.The important thing here is that, no matter how bad I look to everyone else, my family forgives me.
I know that one day my life will slow down and I'll turn my reputation around. But until then, I'm stocking my trunk with spare rocks, empty baby food jars, extra pencils, crayons, glue sticks, library cards, copies of permission slips and, oh yeah, a stuffed bear or two. Just in case.
Debbie Farmer can be contacted at ParadigmTSA@familydaze.com.
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Willow Glen, California Since 1992
