My father came from a proper and formal family that had many time-honored traditions. He carried some of those traditions with him throughout his life. One of the most meaningful for me was that dinner was always a formal event. So his wife set a beautiful table every night of the week. There were several linens for each season; there were never paper products or containers on the table; and in the evenings there were always candles burning. Everyone came to the table and no one was to sit until the woman of the house was seated. We did not pop up from the table as soon as our plates were cleared. We stayed at the table and talked. I can still see my father's thick, short fingers twirling his silver napkin ring round and round while we discussed current events. It was almost like going to church. The dining room was a sanctum for the family, a family I felt I belonged to whenever I sat at that table.

Because those meals were so cherished by me, I have carried on the same traditions with my family. They have made meals the cornerstone of our family life. But I have found that eating meals together as a family is rapidly disappearing from our culture. More families eat in a disjointed fashion: Bobby eats before baseball practice, Jill eats at her best friend's house, mom picks at whatever is left over on Baby Jane's plate, and dad eats standing up at the kitchen counter when he arrives home at 8 p.m. Dining in this fashion has become a necessity in order to accommodate everyone's busy schedule. However, families are depriving themselves of treasured and rare moments together.

Aside from sharing time, eating together has numerous other benefits. Studies continue to show how dining together on a regular basis strengthens the family bond, primarily because the dinner table becomes the setting where family issues are raised, discussed and resolved. Studies also show that children whose families dine together have greater vocabularies than those who don't.

The University of Michigan recently discovered a direct correlation between time spent as a family and test scores. They also found that those children who spent more time with their families had fewer behavior problems. These studies also indicate there are lower incidents of eating problems and that families eat more nutritious foods. And, the children learn the dying art of table manners.

I am thrilled to hear of all the positive effects of dining as a family, but for me that's all icing on the cake.

Preparing a meal and serving it to my family is an act of love. It is one of the ways I demonstrate to my family how important they are. When they enter that dining room, I want them to know they are honored and important people. I set the table for them the same as I would for any guest. We have placemats with cloth napkins wrapped in napkin rings monogrammed with each of their initials. We use glasses rather than cups. Condiments are placed in dishes rather than set on the table. And we ritually sit in the same places: dad at the head, I to the left and a child on either side. We always light the candles. And the child with the best table manners at the end of the meal gets to blow out the candles.

Serving meals in a formal fashion establishes the sacredness of the family gathering. I am fortunate enough at this stage in our lives to be able to stay at home, so I have the time, and desire, to prepare more elaborate meals. But even on those nights that we have sandwiches or (don't tell anyone) cereal for dinner, we still set the table and eat together. And although we try, not everyone always makes it for dinner. Every now and then Dad works late, but we dine formally without him anyway. The precedence is set: Eating together is a priority, not happenstance.

Being together at mealtime emphasizes to my children that they belong to a group of people who love them. It is a time when they feel important because they have their moment on center stage. It is the only time we pray together. It is our family sanctum. We don't wait for guests to make meals a special moment. My family together is a special moment.

Ana Whitlock has lived in Willow Glen for more than 10 years. She can be reached at anawhitlock@comcast.net.