 Four years ago my husband was caught in the layoff cyclone that had just started rolling through the valley. On that September morning, as we choked on the fear of the moment, we had no way of knowing destiny was about to give us a gift.
Until that day, my husband had lived a good part of his week out of a suitcase. He was home for weekends, but it was the kids and me 24/7 the rest of the time. We had our daily routine. It was comfortable and familiar, so when it suddenly changed, we weren't sure how to add my Ray's unfamiliar presence back into the picture.
My children--at the time ages 9 and 12--had come to depend on me as their primary caregiver. It didn't seem natural to ask their dad to take them places, to fix them a snack, to watch them play a sport during the week or even prepare dinner. This was not because they didn't want him too; on the contrary, when he was home it was special. He simply hadn't been there much to share in their day-to-day lives. Now they didn't quite know what to make of it.
So being a foursome took some getting use to. The psychological shift came slowly. Then Ray decided to start his own business. That decision completely changed our household dynamics and allowed him to take on a more active role as a father. He started driving the children to school, taking them to friends' homes and even preparing meals. He would go up to school in the middle of the day to participate in a parent-run barbecue or watch a school activity.
The adjustment to this new routine took time for all us. I wasn't use to sharing the responsibilities, and the kids weren't comfortable without mom always in the loop. But about a year into the change, things started to click.
One evening Ray was talking about a moment he had shared with our daughter during the day. He realized all he had missed while traveling and was grateful there was still time to catch up.
"Even though the financial part is tough, this situation turned into something really special," I said. "You are getting an opportunity to know the kids and discover who they are while they are still little."
Our children were also discovering that there were different points of view when it came to requests and conversations. My son had a dad he could talk to on a daily basis, not just a mom, and my daughter got a guy's viewpoint even though she saw things differently.
Our changed lifestyle--with my husband working from home--appears to be a trend within the valley and perhaps the nation.
It has become a common day-time sight to see dads pushing strollers, carrying babies in backpacks, shopping with their children and taking them to school. Dads are not just on the sidelines at baseball games or soccer fields, they are in the classroom helping with projects and accompanying children on field trips. They are in the parks and at the malls. They are changing diapers and holding bottles.
Fathers are finally able to take an active role in their children's lives, without society seeing it as out of character or unmanly. Women have known for decades that there is so much more to being a family man then just bringing home a paycheck. The real bonus is raising a strong and self-assured child. It is an awesome responsible and one that is strengthened when both parents participant in the process.
On this Fathers Day we'll do something as a family, but what makes this day truly special is knowing that we can do it again the other 364 days of the year.
Moryt Milo is the editor of The Willow Glen Resident. She can be contacted at 400.200.1051 or mmilo@community-newspapers.com.
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